You're all I want, all I need
by Chiara08
Summary: So this is basically my take on what happens when Clarke holds the knife to Lexa's throat in ep. 3x03 and how the story develops from there. I'm sorry but there's no better way to summarize it. You'll just have to read it and find out. Trigger warning: major character death. Yes, it's Lexa. No, my name is not JRat, so... "Don't be afraid, death is not the end."
1. I'm ready now

Clarke is sitting on the edge of her new bed staring at the knife in her hands. Her mind can't help but go back to that one other time she'd found herself in a similar position. That time it had been Raven to offer her a knife to kill the Commander, only she chose to kill Finn, instead to preserve their alliance. An alliance Lexa broke, leaving her alone to save her people and to bear the deaths of yet other hundreds of innocent people. She hated Lexa for that and for three months she'd tried to blame her for turning her into _Wanheda_ , but, deep down, she did understand why the Commander did what she did and she knew it couldn't have been easy to make that choice. She saw it in her eyes as they shone with unshed tears, and she heard it in the slight crack of her voice while she was saying "May we meet again", before turning and leaving.

For months that little voice inside her head had kept reminding her of the Commander's betrayal and how she was going to kill her if they ever crossed paths again, but right now, looking at that knife, it's like all the hatred she held for Lexa is gone and she's not so sure that she wants her dead anymore.

She is so lost in her trail of thoughts that she almost misses the crack of the door of her room opening and the sound of footsteps coming in. It takes her a moment to realize it's Lexa before she all but jumps on her feet, her back towards the other girl and the knife held firmly in her hand in front of her where Lexa won't see it.

"You wanted to see me? I'm here." Clarke is doing everything in her power not to cry in front of the Commander. She will not be weak in front of Lexa again, she can't-

"Clarke?" That's it. Clarke gathers all her courage and throws herself at Lexa holding the knife against her throat. Lexa doesn't move, she does nothing but look at Clarke like she knew this moment would come at some point, like she's giving Clarke permission to take her life if that'll make her feel better. Clarke's shaking by now, because this is not how Lexa should've reacted. Why isn't she fighting? Why is she looking at Clarke with so much sorrow? Why do her eyes hold so many emotions when she's supposed to be the heartless Commander that's haunted her thoughts and dreams ever since the destruction of Mount Weather?

"I'm sorry" she whispers so softly, her voice almost cracking at the end, and that's all it takes for Clarke to let go of that little strength she had left and burst into tears. She shakes her head almost as if trying to keep those words out of her mind. But Lexa's next words are what makes her give up for good.

"I never meant to turn you into this." And with that Clarke sinks in the girl's arms sobbing hard into her chest. She knows Lexa had to put her people first, she knows Lexa isn't heartless, she knows how much she cares, she knows she's the one who pulled that lever to let the radiation into Mount Weather, she knows Lexa is not completely at fault for what's happened, but most of all she knows Lexa is the only one who's ever asked for her forgiveness and not for an apology. While the people she's saved over and over again kept asking for her to do more, to try harder and while her own mother accused her of having the blood of the people of TonDC on her hands, Lexa is here now willingly taking all the guilt on her own shoulders for what Clarke had to do.

Standing here in her room in Polis, with Lexa's arms tight around her shaking and sobbing form and with Lexa's voice brokenly whispering apologies, Clarke knows that maybe, after all this time spent barely surviving, she can finally start living a little. She _wants_ to live and not just survive, so she holds back the sobs and she holds her head up to look in those beautiful green eyes. Clarke has seen before how much emotion they can carry, but she's stunned by the vision of the Commander with her walls completely down and with a tear track down her cheek. It's in the moment their eyes lock that something other than sorrow shows in those green orbs: a sparkle of hope. It's small but Clarke can see it and she's more than willing to fuel it, so she takes a deep breath to steady her voice and, never unlocking her eyes from the Commander's, she speaks for the first time.

"I need you too, Lexa. I _need you_ , but it terrifies me, because I know that, if you leave me again, it will kill me. For three months I tried to hate you, I _wanted_ to hate you and I hated that I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was _your_ fault, that it was _your_ choice that forced me to kill everyone in the Mountain, I understood why you did it and I knew you were right. I would've saved my people too if I had the chance. Because that's what it means to be a leader. You put your head first and save everyone, because they're your people and you owe them to, even though everyone doesn't include the one person you truly wish you could save. I understand, but I still can't go through that all again. So, if my people agree to join your coalition, you can never turn your back on us again. You can never turn your back on _me_ again. I'm ready for you now, Lexa. If you promise not to betray me again."

Lexa is now crying profusely, not even bothering to try and hold back her tears. A ghost of a smile makes its way on her lips, but it's only a second before her expression changes to a dead serious one while she looks Clarke in the eyes and says: "I won't." As if trying to prove Clarke she really means it, she sinks to her knees in front of the girl who taught her to love again and, never breaking eye contact, she continues: "I swear fealty to you, _Klark kom Skaikru_. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people."

The Commander bows to no one and she knows that, no one but _her_ at least. At a loss of words Clarke can only hold her hand out for the other girl to take. With a gentleness reserved only for the sky leader, Lexa puts her hand on Clarke's and rises back up on her feet. Blue orbs lock on green ones and Clarke knows she can trust her now, she knows she can finally _live_ now, so she takes a few steps forward until she's only inches away from the Commander. No, not the Commander, _Lexa_. The person standing in front of her is only a girl, not the leader of 12 clans. She takes a deep breath before offering Lexa the softest of smiles. Only when she sees Lexa's shoulders relax as she releases a sigh of relief, Clarke makes the final move to close the gap between the two of them. Her lips press to Lexa's and a few seconds pass before she feels the other girl respond to the kiss. Clarke doesn't move, because she doesn't want to overwhelm Lexa, who has yet to realize what's really happening. When she feels the slight pressure of Lexa's lips on hers, she starts moving her own ones slowly and tentatively. Their lips move in a slow dance until they need to part for air. Neither girl moves too far, afraid to break contact. They press their foreheads together and their eyes stay closed a few more moments. When they make eye contact again, Clarke is surprised to find tears in both their eyes, but they're happy tears, because they're not alone in this cruel world anymore. No, now they have each other. Lexa's offering her the most stunning smile she's ever seen and she can't help herself when an equally large and bright smile grazes help lips too.

They're broken out of their reverie by a knock on the door, to which they both respond with a groan and an amused shake of their heads.

"Yes?" Clarke gives whoever it is at the door the permission to enter, not even bothering to put some distance between her and the Commander.

" _Heda. Wanheda_. I'm sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to let you know that Abby and Marcus of the Sky People have arrived and they are ready to meet you when you're done." The bald man eyes them suspiciously for a moment until Lexa dismisses him.

"Thank you, Titus. You may go now. We'll meet them in a moment." With a small nod for each of the girls, Titus turns and leaves. As soon as they are alone again, Lexa looks back at Clarke to tell her softly: "Your mother's here. I'll give you some time alone to catch up before we talk about _Skaikru_ becoming the 13th clan." And with that Lexa moves for the door, only to be stopped on her tracks by Clarke's voice.

"Wait! I have a better idea. We can catch up and discuss politics at the same time. Let me talk to them about joining your coalition. Hopefully they'll listen to me."

"Alright. Let me know their decision then." The Commander accompanies her answer with a slight nod of her head before turning back towards the door and making her way out of the room.

Clarke keeps staring at the door until she can no longer catch sight of the other girl. With a deep sigh she leaves her room as well to go meet with her mother and Kane.

How in the hell is she going to convince them Lexa is trustable? It's not like she can tell them the Commander of the 12 clans is not going to betray _Skaikru_ again because she and Clarke are in love. Wait! Woah, love?! Where does that even come from? I mean, of course she was aware of how much she cared about Lexa, but... love?

She's so busy worrying her mind with these thoughts she almost misses the door to the room she was told her people were waiting in.

She takes a deep breath, gathering all her courage, and nods at the guards standing outside the door to let her in.

 **Note: I just wanted to thank everyone who stopped by and gave my story a try. I hope you like this chapter, there will be more, I promise. Chapter 2 is ready and I'm working on the 3rd one. I already know where I want this story to go, so it shouldn't take too long to upload new chapters, but I make no promises, just in case.**

 **Another thing: English is not my first language, I'm Italian, so I apologize for any grammar mistake. Feel free to let me know what I got wrong and I will correct it.**

 **Thank you again. Bye until next chapter is up.**


	2. The 13th clan

"What's taking her so long? She was supposed to meet us twenty minutes ago." Abby lets out an impatient sigh as she keeps pacing the room. She's been at it for a good fifteen minutes now and Kane has long given up trying to calm her down.

"She'll be here soon." The door cracks open behind them right as Kane says the words. "See? What did I tell you?" He mocks her while they both turn to the door, expecting to see Lexa coming in. They're both surprised to see Clarke's figure making her way in instead.

"Clarke?" Abby whispers, not believing her daughter is actually standing in front of her after three months spent apart. As soon as she's recovered from the initial shock, she throws herself at Clarke, enveloping her daughter in a tight hug. "I've missed you." She cries out in the girl's hair.

"Me too." She doesn't really know what to say to her mother so she just returns the hug, reveling in her mom's presence after so long.

"Mom?" She breaks the silence after a while.

"Mmh?" Abby hums in response.

"I can't breathe." Clarke chuckles in Abby's shoulder.

"Right. Sorry." She chuckles back letting go of her daughter.

"We were supposed to meet with Lexa-" Kane interjects from behind Abby but he's soon interrupted by Clarke.

"Yeah, about that... The summit was kind of an excuse to have you coming to Polis." Oh God! Here we go. The puzzled and expectant looks in her mom's and Kane's eyes are not helping at all.

Clarke clears her throat looking for the right words to tell them they're supposed to bow to the same girl that had left them to die at Mount Weather only a few months before.

"Lexa... The Commander... She's changing the terms of the treaty."

"Is this because of Mount Weather?" Marcus tries while he still looks incredulous.

"This is because of the Ice Nation. They want Lexa dead." The only idea sends shivers down Clarke's spine. She needs her people to understand. She's not letting the Ice Queen kill the woman she loves. They just found each other again, she's not losing her one more time; so she looks at Marcus, knowing he's the one who can understand what's at stake. "They wanna take over the coalition."

"That's Lexa's concern not _ours_." Like she thought, her mother doesn't get it.

"No Abby, if Lexa falls, the coalition shatters. And there's no way we can afford that war." Thankfully Kane does. "You said there were new terms?"

It's now or never, Clarke. She takes a deep breath and avoids her mother's gaze as she says the next words. "Yeah. We become the 13th clan."

"13th clan... What does that mean? That we follow _Lexa_?" Something in the way her mom says Lexa's name, with so much hatred and disgust, makes Clarke want to yell at her that she has no idea how a great and selfless person Lexa truly is. But she knows Abby wouldn't understand. She never does. So, instead, she just ops for a simple: "Yes."

"This is _not_ the treaty we came here to negotiate."

"This is our Unity Day, mom. We can be the 13th _station_ or we can be the 13th _clan_." She hopes this will make it because she's run out of reasons to convince them.

"Marcus?" Of course she wants to know _his_ opinion. She sent her down to Earth to die, trusting her instincts would tell her how to protect her people, yet, ever since the Ark landed on the ground, her mother's never once believed in her leadership choices. She's not a kid anymore and _Lexa_ is not a kid either. She's the best Commander the grounders, and Sky People too, could ever wish for.

"Clarke's right. I've seen the Ice Nation army and we don't stand a chance against them. We need to do this." Kane is what once again keeps her from screaming at her mother.

"So we become the 13th clan... Then what? What's gonna stop the Ice Nation?"

"We are. Lexa and I..."

" _You and Lexa_?! What, you two are a team now?"

"Mom..."

"No. Clarke, she _betrayed_ us and left us to _die_! How can you work with her?! How can you even _trust_ her?! She's the reason you left Arkadia and hid in the woods, because you couldn't live with what you had to do!"

Hell! If it's her screaming that she wants, then her screaming she'll get. "I left because I couldn't live with what _I_ did! I didn't _have_ to do _anything_! Lexa never forced me to pull that switch, it was _my_ choice and I paid the price for it! Yes, she saved her people and left, but that's what being a leader means! Tell me, mom, had you been in the same position, wouldn't you have saved your people even if it meant leaving the grounders behind?! Wouldn't you have sacrificed their lives for the ones of your people trapped inside and fighting outside?!"

"I... Maybe I would've, yes! But it still isn't a good reason to go and _trust_ her again, Clarke! What makes you so sure she won't betray us again?!"

"If you can't trust _her_ then trust _me_. Lexa's not gonna betray me again." She curses herself for that slip the moment she sees her mother's questioning look.

"You? She's not gonna betray _you_?"

"Us. I meant us."

"But that's not what you said. You said _me_." To say Clarke is panicking by now is an understatement.

"You're making this a bigger of a deal than it actually is."

"And you're trying to avoid the answer. What do you mean she's not gonna betray _you_ again?" At this point Clarke just gives up trying to convince her mother she's only misspoken. What's the point anyway? She's gonna have to tell her the truth at some point. Better now than later.

"I mean... She's not going to leave me again. She won't betray me, us, because that would mean _losing me_ again." Her mother clearly isn't following, but she cannot say more. It's pointless. She wouldn't understand. She knows she wouldn't.

Seeing as her daughter doesn't show any intention of giving her further explanations, Abby tries to push her some more. "Clarke. What are you saying? Why can't Lexa lose you again?"

"I..." Clarke shakes her head sadly. She wouldn't get it.

"Clarke, honey, I'm your _mother_. You know you can talk to me." Abby says putting a reassuring hand on her daughter's shoulder.

Clarke only shakes her head once more. "You wouldn't understand..."

"Try me. You'll never know if you don't try." She gives Clarke a smile of encouragement.

With a deep intake of air Clarke gives up her fight. "She can't lose me because..." She closes her eyes not bearing to see her mother's expression as she confesses her feelings for the woman she's supposed to hate. "She loves me. And... I trust her because I feel the same way about her. I love her, mom. I'm in love with her and she's in love with me." She says it one more time looking at her mother this time. "We're in love."

Abby stares back at her daughter for what feels like an eternity, her expression showing no kind of emotion. Clarke feels like she might get sick if her mother doesn't say something, _anything_ , soon. When the silence becomes too much to bear and it feels to Clarke like it's getting deafening, she speaks again hoping to get a reaction of any kind from her mother.

"I don't need you to understand. I don't understand it either. I know I'm supposed to hate her. This shouldn't have happened, but it was beyond my control. I didn't _choose_ to love her but I _do_ choose to _stay_. Please, don't make me choose between my people and the woman I love."

"Because you would choose _her_?" Abby seems to have finally regained her voice, though her question comes out harsh and it feels like daggers to Clarke's heart.

"Because I would choose _you_. As leader of my people I have to put them first, at the expense of my heart, even though it will kill me." Now Clarke is all but begging on the verge of tears. "Please. I can't lose yet another person I love."

With a small nod her mother finally agrees to the deal. "Okay. We'll follow Lexa as the 13th clan. But don't expect me to be ok with this."

That's more than Clarke was hoping for. "Thank you." And she can finally let out a sigh of relief. She did it. They'll join Lexa's coalition and she won't have to lose anybody. For now, at least.

 **Note: so, how did you like this 2nd chapter? Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as enjoyed writing it. This is my very first story, so I'm really happy you guys are giving it a try.**

 **Thank you all so much for stopping by! Until next chapter comes out!**

 **P.S. Like I said before, I apologize for any grammar mistake.**


	3. Soulmates

As she exits the room, leaving her mother and Kane to get ready for the ceremony, she's told by the guards that the Commander is waiting for her in the throne room. She smiles at the idea of being in Lexa's presence again, but the smile soon fades away when she remembers her mother's last words. No matter how hard she wants to convince herself she's not a kid anymore and she doesn't need her mother, she still cares about her opinion and she _really_ wishes Abby could be approving and happy for her. That's the thing about her mom: always saying Clarke can talk to her, but never actually listening or understanding her daughter's words. Well, at least she can tell Lexa it worked...

"Clarke?" Lexa asks from her throne when she sees the Sky leader entering the room with tear tracks on her cheeks and a blank expression. Clarke doesn't seem to notice her presence, nor even where she is, as she's too busy worrying her mind with whatever it is that's bothering her. Worry takes over Lexa as she stands and walks towards the girl who has yet to look at her. "Clarke? Clarke, what's wrong?" Only when Lexa places a hand on Clarke's shoulder to gain her attention does the girl raise her eyes to meet with Lexa's. She's almost surprised to see her and she darts her eyes around the room as if to figure out where she is. This only makes Lexa worry even more. "Clarke, what happened? Did your mother say no?"

Clarke brings her eyes back on Lexa for a moment before closing the distance between them, embracing the other girl tightly in her arms. Lexa is dumbstruck for a moment, still not understanding the girl's strange behavior, but she soon collects herself returning the hug just as fiercely.

"My mother said yes." She mumbles in the crook of Lexa's neck after a while. "We'll become the 13th clan."

"I knew I was right to have faith in you." Lexa smiles and leans down to place a soft kiss on Clarke's hair, but her words only manage to bring more tears to the blonde's eyes. As soon as Lexa feels the wetness on the skin of her neck, her smile falters and worry overcomes her again. She gently leans back so she can meet Clarke's eyes. The blonde feels so vulnerable right now she can't even bring her gaze up to look at Lexa, even tough she knows she'd only find understanding in those beautiful green orbs. Lexa places her hands on Clarke's cheeks, wiping away the tears with her thumbs and slowly tilting the girl's head up. "Please, tell me what's wrong. Why are you crying?"

Shaking her head and chuckling lightly for the emotional mess she is, Clarke places a hand on her cheek where Lexa's still rests. "I'm sorry. It's just... It's stupid, really. Don't worry about it." She attempts a smile, but Lexa doesn't seem convinced yet.

"It's not _stupid_ if it made you cry. You can tell me. You know I won't judge you." She strokes her thumb along the blonde's cheek to reassure Clarke even more.

"That's the thing. You don't _ever_ judge me and you've _always_ placed your faith in me, even when we were just two strangers to each other. You've always been reluctant to trust other people, but, for some reason, you've always trusted _me_. After killing Finn, I was drowning in my own guilt, until you came around and told me about Costia. You told me love was weakness and, tough I knew you were wrong, I believed you enough to put myself back together. You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better." Now Lexa's eyes are watery as well. All she wants is for Clarke to be okay and hearing her say she was able to make her feel good just makes her the happiest person in the world.

"Your mother's only ever seen the Commander side of me. Give her time. She'll come round at some point. I'll make sure she knows I'm more than just the heartless leader who abandoned your people at Mount Weather."

"You're not heartless, Lexa. You're the most _caring_ person I've ever known. You care about each one of your people with all your heart. And, once again, you knew _exactly_ what to say without needing me to tell you what was bothering me. My mother says I can talk to her, but she never understands what I'm saying. With you, though, I don't have to say a word for you to understand it all." This time it's Clarke's turn to wipe away Lexa's tears.

" _Osir keryon ste teina, Heda. Yu laik ai alf keryon._ You're my soulmate. You're like a best friend to me, but... _more_. You're the one person in the world who knows me better than anyone else. You make me a better person. Actually, you don't make me better, I do it myself because you _inspire_ me. You're the one person I will carry with me forever. The only one who will ever _know_ me, and _accept_ me, and _believe_ in me before anyone else does, or when no one else will." She says the last part staring straight into those wide green orbs that are looking back at her in awe. " _Ai hod yu in, Leksa kom Trikru_. No matter what happens, I will _always_ love you. Nothing could ever change that." And with that she leans in and kisses Lexa with all the love she can convey.

They kiss slowly until they can no longer breathe. They part keeping their foreheads pressed together and only then does Lexa find her voice again to let Clarke know how she feels. Not that she needed to hear it anyway. She'd known Lexa loved her the moment she said "Not everyone. Not you.", but still.

" _Ai hod yu in sentaim, Klark kom Skaikru._ "

The grins that appear on both their faces are so big they could as well light the whole city in the darkest of nights. They're both crying and laughing at the same time when they lean in to kiss again. It's quick, but it still carries all the love they feel for each other.

They'll have plenty of time for kissing later, but they need to focus on the impending ceremony. To be honest, Clarke doesn't really know what's going to happen besides the fact that she'll have to bow to Lexa.

"So about-"

"Maybe we should-"

Both girls chuckle and blush as they start talking at the same time. They stay silent for a while, not wanting to impose on the other, but then it's Clarke who takes the initiative and starts talking again.

"About tonight's ceremony... I... I don't really know what we're supposed to do. To become the 13th clan, I mean." The timid look on Clarke's face makes Lexa smile in amusement. The girl is so adorable. How can she and _Wanheda_ be the person is beyond her understanding.

"Well... _Wanheda_ is expected to bow to the Commander as in display of the fact that your power is now joined with mine. Then, to symbolize our union, the leader of _Skaikru_ needs to be marked with the coalition's emblem."

"And that's gonna be either my mom or Kane. They'll never recognize me as their leader." There's that sad tone again.

"That might not be a bad thing..." At Clarke's questioning look she continues: "We need an ambassador from each clan to stay here in Polis. I was thinking... I was wondering if you'd like to be an ambassador for your clan."

"Is that your way of asking me to move in here with you, _permanently_?"

"Would you? Stay here in Polis with me?"

"Remember when outside Mount Weather you asked me what I wanted and I said nothing?" She pauses waiting for Lexa to let her know she remembers. "You said I should've come with you to the Capital, that Polis would've changed the way I thought about you."

"You said I already had."

Clarke's gives her a confirming nod. "I might not have been ready to be with anyone at the time, but I was already _deeply, madly_ in love with you, _Heda_." She moves closer to the girl standing in front of her and she takes one of her hands in her own. After intertwining their fingers, she goes on saying: "I do know what I want now, Lexa. _I want you_. You are my home. There's nothing I want more than to be exactly where you are. Forever."

"Your people might not be so happy with your choice to stay here."

"Everything I did on the ground has been for my peoplale. Let me be selfish for once and do something for _me_. I love them, but I'm tired of fighting for their lives if I can just barely survive in the meantime _._ It's time we get to _live_ too. Don't you think we've earned that?

"Maybe we have." It's barely above a whisper, but Clarke hears it loud and clear nonetheless and, this time, she is the one to close the distance and attach her lips to Lexa's.

 _"You sent for me?"_

 _"Yes. Octavia has nothing to fear from me. I do trust you, Clarke."_

 _"I know how hard that is for you."_

 _"You think our ways are harsh, but that's how we survive."_

 _"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don't we deserve better than that?"_

 _"Maybe we do."_

Yeah. They definitely do.

 **Note: I hope you liked this chapter. It is definitely my favorite so far.**

 **So, I wanted to give you a couple of references:**

 **\- For the parts in Trigedasleng, here is the translation:**

 ** _Osir keryon ste teina_ = Our souls are intertwined**

 ** _Yu laik ai alf keryon_ = You are my half soul ("Alf" isn't actually a word but I didn't know how to translate "half")**

 ** _Ai hod yu in, Leksa kom Trikru_ = I love you, Lexa of the Tree People**

 ** _Ai hod you in sentaim, Klark kom Skaikru_ = I love you too, Clarke of the Sky People**

 **\- Clarke's speech about soulmates was inspired by a Dawson's Creek scene:**

 **"What's a soulmate?"**

 **"It's uh… Well, it's like a best friend, but more. It's the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person, actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did, or when no one else would, and no matter what happens, you will always love them. Nothing could ever change that."**

 **Thank you so much for reading! Xxx**


	4. Your enemy is our enemy

It's sunset by the time everything is ready for the summit. Lexa's throne room has been set up to host the ceremony with a long red carpet the goes from the doors to the steps at the feet of her throne. It's quite fit, Clarke thinks, that the Commander of Death has to walk her way towards the Commander of the Blood on a crimson rug.

Everyone else is already inside, standing by one side of the carpet, waiting for _Wanheda_ 's entrance. That's what she'll have to be for the night at least. She can't be the broken former Sky leader right now and, thankfully, the handmaids Lexa sent to help her get ready did an amazing job in making her look like the powerful woman everybody is expecting. She is dressed in a gown with a high side vent that leaves her legs visible, the top is covered by a gold leather corset that all but sets off her cleavage. Then there's her hair, held away from her face and arranged in a series of intricate braids, reflecting the grounders' traditional hairstyle. Two stripes of war paint go from each of her eyes to her hairline. Everything about her makes her appear like a powerful grounder commander.

 _"Yumi na teik won sonraun au?"_ _And will you take a life with me?_

 _"_ _Medo ste thonken, medo drein au." A body's hollow, a body bleeds._

Clarke hears the beautiful voice of the singer begin as the guards open the doors to let her into the room. She subtly takes a deep breath before holding her head up high, as she's seen Lexa do many times before, to walk in.

 _"_ _Oso kik raun ogeda, soulou." We live as one, we live alone._

 _"_ _Ai laik yu gona." I am your soldier._

 _"_ _Ai na get raun, you." I will atone._

Her breath is soon taken away by the sight of the Commander standing tall in front of her. They didn't have time to meet between getting ready and the beginning of the summit and they're both mesmerized by sight of the other. They don't let it show, of course, but, all the way from the doors to the throne, they are staring at one another studying every single detail of the other's dress, hair and make-up. Lexa is looking as deadly as she does in her armor, but all Clarke can think of is that this is the first time she's ever seen Lexa in a gown and she looks absolutely breathtaking in it. The Commander is wearing a long black and crimson dress that leaves her arms and her cleavage on display. Her hair is held back in her usual braids, but her war paint is simpler than the one she wears for battle. Like Clarke's, it shapes in two stripes that go from her eyes to her hairline. As she walks, the blonde can't help but notice Lexa has a tattoo on her upper right arm. She wants to know all about it, but that's a conversation for later. Right now, she needs to focus on keeping her back straight and walking without tripping on her own feet, so that the mighty _Wanheda_ won't make a complete fool of herself in front of all these people.

 _"_ _Yumi na teik won sonraun au? "_ _And will you take a life with me?_

 _"_ _Ai keryon gyon op, ai keryon g' breik au." My soul moves on, my soul is freed._

Clarke stops in front of Lexa as the voice in the background sings these words. They stare deeply in each other's eyes for a moment and it seems like they're saying that yes, they will take a life with the other. The song resembles perfectly what Clarke is feeling right now. Thanks to Lexa her soul was able to move on from all the horror and loss she'd experienced in her life and it is now free. Free to love this girl with all of her heart and free to take a life with the grounder leader.

 _"_ _Pas skaikrasha, klin tristraka," After the storm, a lightning flash,_

 _"_ _En houd don gon hosh trashsaka." With all the world reduced to ash._

When the singer moves on to the next verse Clarke is broken out of her thoughts. She remembers she's supposed to bow to Lexa first, so she lowers her gaze, hanging her head forward, and, very slowly, she kneels down on one knee in front of the Commander. Gazing at the floor as she is from her position, she misses the look on Lexa's face. The way her eyes sparkle with tears she's barely holding back and the way her mouth opens slightly are all the emotion the Commander can afford to show in front of her warriors. What no one knows, though, is that, the moment Clarke knelt down in front of her, Lexa's mind went back to that damned day when she had to leave the girl she loved behind in order to save her people. She remembers how bad she'd felt when she'd set foot back into camp, praying to whatever god who is up there that Clarke was still alive. She didn't even dare to hope that the other girl might not hate her for betraying her like that. She was ready to live the rest of her life being hated by Clarke as long as the Sky leader was still walking on this Earth. And, as if that wasn't enough, the Ice Queen thought well of threatening her life to gain the power of _Wanheda_. She's been so close to losing another person she loves to the hands of Queen Nia. But Clarke is here now. She's safe here in Polis with her. Not just has Lexa been able to protect her from _Azgeda_ , but she's also managed to earn her forgiveness and, even more, her unconditional love.

 _"_ _Yumi na teik won sonraun au?" And will you take a life with me?_

 _"_ _Houd na fleim daun, bed' ge jok au." This world will burn, save what you need._

It's not until everyone else around her has knelt down as well, first Prince Roan of _Azgeda_ , followed by all the others, that Lexa raises her eyes from Clarke's figure in front of her. She takes a deep breath to regain her composure, so that her voice won't waver when she addresses the people in the room. She tilts her head slightly to her right looking at the singer and waiting for her to finish the song.

 _"_ _Ai nou fir raun," I am fearless,_

 _"_ _Ai mana jomp in," I am to fight,_

 _"_ _Ai mana wan open," I am to die,_

 _"_ _Ai don sin y'in." You're in my sight._

 _"_ _Yumi na teik_ _won sonraun au?"_ _And will you take a life with me?_

 _"_ _Jus drein jus draun," Blood must have blood,_

 _"_ _Ai medo drein au." My body bleeds._

When the song is finally over, Lexa brings her gaze back towards the people knelt in front of her and, with her head held high, she greets them: "Hail, warriors of the 12 clans."

"Hail, Commander of the Blood." The assembly replies in chorus.

"Rise." She waits for everyone to be back on their feet and for Clarke to walk to her mother's side before continuing. "We welcome _Skaikru_ to our halls, in spirit of friendship and harmony. And we welcome _Klark kom Skaikru_ , legendary _Wanheda_ , Mountain Slayer. The reason for the summit has changed. We are not here to negotiate a treaty with the _Skaikru_ , but rather to initiate them into the Coalition."

Loud murmurs fill the room as soon as the warriors assimilate their Commander's words. They are soon cut off by Lexa's clear voice, though.

"To symbolize this union the leader of _Skaikru_ must bear our mark." She looks at Kane and Abby, knowing from what Clarke had told her that the choice was going to rest on either one of them. She sees how the two exchange looks for a moment before Abby says something to Marcus. She can't make out what is said from where she's standing, but their gestures are enough to let her know that he is the to have been chosen to be marked as leader.

"Present your arm." She orders after nodding to him.

The white-hot metal mark has just been pressed on the skin of his forearm when the doors burst open and three people break into the room. Lexa recognizes two of them as _Octavia kom Skaikru_ and her brother Bellamy, who is holding one of her guards at gun point. She has no idea who the other man is, but she reasons he must be one of Clarke's people as well. She's worried because she has no clue on what's going on and that feeling only increases when she sees the blonde's surprised look at the sight of her friends standing there. It's Titus the first one to recover from the shock to ask what is going on, to which Bellamy answers claiming the summit's a trap and they have to get Clarke out of there.

The summit's a trap? No, it can't be right. Lexa promised, there's no way she betrayed her again. Right? Clarke trusts Lexa, she _does_ , but a part of her can't help but doubt her word, so she asks, just to be sure.

"What the hell is going on?!"

"I _don't_ know." She doesn't know?! Oh, thank God, she has nothing to do with this. She's actually not sure whether to be happy about it or to be even more worried about the fact that even Lexa looks alarmed.

"It's the Ice Nation." Really, Bellamy?! What kind of explanation is that?!

"They're only trying to deceive you, _Heda_. _Azgeda_ has nothing to do with what's happening, _Skaikru_ is clearly the one behind all of this." The Ice warrior is soon silenced by the Commander's raised hand. Her gaze is penetrating Bellamy's skull as she asks him where they'd come by this information. The three companions start looking around the room as though they're looking for someone who should explain it all.

"Where the hell is Echo?" Octavia hisses towards her brother.

"What's going on?" Kane tries, but the only answer he gets is another question from Bellamy: "Where the hell is she?"

"Bellamy, we were wrong about this."

"I don't understand..."

Seeing as the situation is only getting more and more confusing by the second, Kane orders his people to lower their guns, hoping they can get to a solution without the use of violence.

"Bellamy? Bellamy, come in." A voice cracks from the radio attached to his belt. "The grounders attacked Mount Weather." Raven's broken words leave everyone in shock.

"What are you talking about?" He questions taking the radio from his side.

" _It's gone_. They're all gone. Sinclair and I are the only ones left." Raven pauses for a moment before she starts crying apologies through the radio. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You should've never moved your people back into Mount Weather." They're all startled by the voice of the same Ice warrior who had spoken before. "The Ice Nation did what Lexa was too _weak_ to do!"

" _This_ is an act of war!" The Commander hisses towards the man and her voice is so cold and threatening that it terrifies even Clarke. "Sentries, arrest the Ice Nation delegation! Including the Prince." She shouts at the two guards standing at her side and they immediately execute their orders.

"We need to go home. If they attacked Mount Weather, Arkadia could be next." Abby says to which Kane agrees immediately.

"Go. I'll raise an army from the Coalition to help you defend Arkadia. Your enemy is _our_ enemy now. We'll face this threat together."

" _Mochof, Leksa_." A small smile appears on Lexa's face when she hears Marcus thanking her in _Trigedasleng_.

"Are you coming?" There's no hesitation in Clarke's voice as she answers to her mother.

"They need an ambassador from our clan to stay here in Polis."

"Clarke, it's not _safe_ for you here?" After three months, Bellamy chooses _this_ moment to fight to get her back home. Well, back to Arkadia. That's not her home anymore.

"I'll be safe here under Lexa's protection."

"Please tell me you didn't forgive her. She _left us to die_ at Mount Weather not more than three months ago! Or did you forget?!"

"I'm sorry, Bellamy. My home's here now." She says the last part looking straight back at Lexa and with that the boy gives up and turns around to make his way out followed by the others. Everyone but Abby, who stays back one more moment to hug her daughter goodbye.

"Be safe."

"You too."

 **Note: I did it! It took me all day to finish this chapter and finally it's here! For those of you who are wondering why we haven't seen Lexa's death yet, though I put in the summary, don't think I changed my mind on that one. It's coming soon, but, like I said, it will not be the end for our beloved Heda.**

 **Like always, thank you all for reading my story. I'd also like to thank those of you who sent me reviews, you're words mean a lot to me. Xxx**


	5. Costia

It's midnight by the time everyone has left. After learning about the attack at Mount Weather by the hands of _Azgeda_ , Lexa had called an extraordinary war council in which the generals and ambassadors of every clan, besides the Ice Nation, took part. It took them a whole of five hours to agree to a plan of action to face this new threat. It'd been all but easy to bring everyone on _Skaikru_ 's side. Most of the generals were still reluctant to work with what is now the 13th clan and they also didn't like the idea of fighting against a clan that had fought by their side in the war against the Mountain Men. Clarke and Lexa still don't know how, but somehow they managed to come to the agreement that each clan would send a part of their best warriors to place a small defensive block around Arkadia. A few of the most valuable scouts were to be sent in the woods surrounding the Sky people's home to warn the army about a possible advance of the Ice Queen forces towards Arkadia. In case of a sighting of the _Azgeda_ army, a couple of messengers were to be sent to Polis, where the Coalition will have a bigger army ready to march to Arkadia to fight alongside _Skaikru_ against the Ice Nation. The two Commanders will join the battle as well, as their roles require them to do.

The last one to exit the throne room is Titus, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone. The room still hosts the decorations and objects used for the summit, but the two girls had time before the beginning of the meeting to change back into her armor, Lexa, and back into her usual clothes, Clarke. Seeing as there's nothing left to discuss the Sky girl moves for the door expecting the Commander to follow her cue. She's just set foot out of the doors when she notices that Lexa is still inside staring ahead towards her throne. She steps back into the room and asks: "You're not coming?"

"I'll only be a moment. You should go get some sleep, Clarke. It's been a long day." She answers turning to face the blonde fully.

"It's been a long day for you too, _Heda_." She says walking towards the other girl to stand directly in front of her. She smiles back at her when Lexa smirks at her attempt to be formal. They stay like that for a few seconds, just silently staring at each other, enjoying the quite moment after the chaos the summit had turned into. It's Clarke to break the silence with a sigh. She moves her gaze to the floor to hide her shame from Lexa. "I'm sorry my people interrupted the ceremony like that."

"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for." She puts one hand on Clarke's shoulder giving it a gentle and reassuring squeeze and, then, with her other hand she grabs the girl's chin tilting her head up till their eyes meet again. "They were only doing what they believed would keep you safe."

"Maybe. But still... They shouldn't have killed three of your guards like that."

Lexa gives her a shrug as if to say she doesn't have to worry about it, it's not a big deal, and then it is her turn to avoid Clarke's eyes.

"If someone needs to apologize, that's _me_. It was _my_ people who destroyed the Mountain killing your people in the process. I knew all too well what Nia is capable of, I tested it on my own skin, but _still_ I let her into my Coalition. I shouldn't have trusted her. I shouldn't..." Lexa's voice cracks and she's on the verge of tears when she vigorously shakes her head. "I'm so sorry. If I hadn't-"

"Hey, _stop_. What just happened at Mount Weather was _beyond_ your control. This is not your fault, Lexa. Do you understand?" She gently grabs the other girl's head in her hands running her thumbs up and down her cheeks. Lexa doesn't seem convinced so Clarke looks her straight in the eyes, her expression dead serious, and she repeats herself. "This. Is _not_. Your fault. You cannot blame yourself for the deaths of those people this time. Okay? Promise me you _won't_ blame yourself."

"Okay." She sighs. "I promise."

"Good." Clarke gives her a kind smile before leaning in to capture the girl's lips in a short sweet kiss. "I love you, _Heda_." She whispers on Lexa's lips when they part, their eyes still closed and their foreheads pressed together. Opening her eyes, Clarke is met by the sight of two watery green orbs and her heart immediately fills with worry, wondering what she'd said wrong to make the girl cry. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" She frowns.

"It's just... I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"What? That I love you? Because you're gonna have to get used to it, since I plan to tell you every chance I get. For the rest of our lives. _I love you, Lexa_." Lexa's smile is so big and bright that it makes Clarke's heart melt. The Sky girl mentally promises herself to say those three little words any time she can just to see that beautiful smile appear on the Commander's face.

"I love you too. _So much_." She pauses for a second before inviting Clarke to stay with her. "I was gonna sit outside for a while. I like watching the city at night; it's the only time when everything is quiet and peaceful. It's soothing. Maybe you can sit with me tonight. If you want to."

"I'd love to." And with that she grabs Lexa's hand and together they walk outside on the balcony behind the Commander's throne.

They sit side by side in silence for a long time. It's not uncomfortable, on the contrary, they really enjoy the moment, just reveling in each other's presence as they look over the sleeping city. It's the first time she stops to properly look at Polis from above ever since she got there and Clarke wonders how she missed such a beauty for so long.

"You don't believe there's a chance _Azgeda won't_ attack my people, do you?" The Sky girl whispers as she rests her head on the Commander's strong shoulder.

"No." Lexa sighs. "I'm afraid we _cannot_ avoid this war."

"I wish we could stay like this forever. It's nice to have a moment just for ourselves."

"I have a sparring session with the Nightbloods tomorrow morning. You can watch us if you want to, then I could take you for a tour of the city."

"Are you offering me to come see you flexing your perfectly toned muscles _?_ Because you have to do better than that to seduce me. _Heda_." She jokes, but her amused look falters as soon as she hears Lexa's low voice next to her ear.

 _"Do I?"_

Clarke is almost afraid to raise her head and turn to look at Lexa, not wanting to let the other girl know how turned on she already is. It takes all the self-control she has not to answer "no" to her question. She can feel the Commander's eyes on her, so she gives up her fight and turns her head to find two very dark orbs staring back at her. There goes that little self-control she had left. She can feel her eyes darkening as well as she leans in to kiss Lexa. It's nothing like the kisses they'd exchanged before. This one is heated and hungry, all teeth and tongues. Their hands start wandering over their bodies as well, touching everything within their reach. Their chests are completely pressed together by the time Clarke feels Lexa's cold hand on the skin of her lower back. Reluctantly, she leans back, earning a whimper from the other girl at the loss of touch.

"We should take this to a bedroom, don't you think?"

"Mine's closer." And with that they jump on their feet and all but rush to Lexa's room.

They spend hours making love to each other and discovering every piece of their bodies. Once they're too tired to move their now sore muscles they just lie down on their sides and start talking. They explain some of their cultures traditions to one another, happy to share _all_ of themselves with the person they love.

Lexa tells Clarke how the Conclave to choose a new Commander works. How all the Nightbloods she and Titus are training here in Polis will have to fight each other until only one is left. The winner will be the chosen one that will host her spirit. She tells Clarke the most promising of the novitiates is Aden, a very smart and strong young boy. Clarke can't help but notice how Lexa's face lights up when she talks about her pupils and how proud she sounds of each one of them. She can see it in the brightness of her eyes how much the Commander cares about these children that have become like a family to her. Lexa even tells her about the time she became Commander. Clarke learns there were nine novitiates in her Conclave and that the girl bears on her skin the memory of her friends. When she insists on studying her tattoo better, Lexa turns to face away from her and she closes her eyes, soothed by Clarke's fingers ghosting over the ink lines on her back.

"This is beautiful."

"I got it on my Ascension Day. A circle for every _Natblida_ that died. When the Commander chose me."

"Seven circles... I thought you said there were _nine_ novitiates at your Conclave." Clarke sates, remembering what Lexa had just told her.

"There were." It's small and whispered, but Clarke hears it clearly anyway. She's curious to learn more about it now.

"What happened to number eight?"

"Nia killed her." Clarke regrets her question as soon as she hears the crack in Lexa's voice that lets her know exactly who the other girl is talking about.

"Costia. She was a Nightblood too?" When Lexa turns to face her again, she sees the unshed tears in her beautiful green eyes.

"We didn't mean to fall in love. We weren't _supposed_ to." Clarke grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze to let her know she's there and to give her the strength to continue. "We'd both been taken away from our families at a very young age. As children we soon became very close, best friends you could say. It was no news that we were inseparable, but what the others didn't know was that, becoming teenagers, we were getting closer in a different way. I think we'd always been in love with each other, but, as kids, we were just too young to realize what that feeling was." She pauses and Clarke waits patiently not wanting to pressure her. They both laugh at Lexa's next words. "You can imagine Titus's face when he caught us making out in a hallway before our lesson."

"I'm afraid he's not a big fan of me either." She chuckles.

"Yeah... He believes that to be Commander is to be alone."

 _"Love is weakness."_ Clarke says in her best impression of the bald man. "Now I know who you learned that from."

"Well, fortunately for you, I know better than to listen to him now." Lexa chuckles soon followed by the Sky girl. When they both turn serious again, she takes a deep breath and she goes on telling her story.

"We had a plan. It was reckless, yes, but it was the only way neither of us would have to kill the other. We were sixteen when the Commander died in battle. Once the Conclave began it soon became clear that _I_ was the most likely to win. Costia had always told me I was the smartest and strongest of all the _Natblida_ , but I never believed her. I thought she only said that to make me feel good, because I was her girlfriend. Before the final fight of the Conlave began, we ran into the woods during the night and I helped her escape. Of course, Titus knew the truth, but he told my people Costia was dead and I was to be the new Commander. I lived for two years with Titus's reprimands every time I'd snuck out in the darkness of the night to meet with Costia in the woods surrounding Polis. Unfortunately, the night did nothing to hide me from the eyes of the Ice Nation scouts stationed along the path that led to our usual meeting point. Thinking back at it now, I realize we'd been stupid to not change place for our meetings from time to time. I knew the Ice Queen was jealous of my power and that she wanted the Commander's throne for herself, but what I _didn't_ know was that she was aware of my only weakness."

Clarke gives her hand another gentle squeeze before Lexa turns to lie on her back, not letting go of the girl's hand so that Clarke ends up tucked into her side with her head resting on Lexa's chest.

"When my eighteenth birthday came, Costia and I had planned to meet at midnight and spend the rest of the day together. It was supposed to be our very first time together in the light of day in two years. After so long of just sneaking around in the woods for a couple of hours each the night, I was finally going to have an _entire_ day with the girl I loved. A whole of 24 hours to get tired of each other's presence." She smiles to herself at the memory. She'd been the happiest girl in the whole world when Costia told her what her birthday present was going to be. She was so excited that in the days before her birthday she'd barely slept a couple of hours. She'd skipped all the way to where Costia was going to be waiting for her, just like the two of them used to do as little kids when they were eager to reach some place.

She realizes she's crying when she feels Clarke's arms circling her waist in a tight embrace. Just like Costia, Clarke always knows what she needs. She guesses these are the perks of being in love: you understand the other better than your own self. Lexa rests her chin on Clarke's head for a moment as she attempts to stop other tears from flowing down her cheeks. When she's positive no more will come for the moment, she leans down to press a loving kiss to Clarke's hair. It's her way of thanking the blonde for giving her comfort and strength. She doesn't voice the words, because she knows Clarke will understand. She's proven of that when the other girl's arms give a slight squeeze at her sides as if to say "you're welcome, love." After that, she leans her head back on the pillows and she resumes her story.

"I waited for Costia all night long, but she never showed up. Titus found me at dawn sitting against the trunk of a fallen tree and sobbing heavily in my knees. He was the only one to know Costia and I were still meeting and where. He got worried when a messenger from the Ice Nation showed up to deliver a message to the Commander from Queen Nia in person. After ordering for the man to be locked in prison, he came looking for me in the woods. He told me what Nia's messenger had told him: _Azgeda_ had the Commander's lover and they were going to torture her until she'd revealed all of my secrets. If the girl refused to talk, the Queen would kill her." A strangled sob leaves her lips and, once again, Clarke tightens her arms around her middle. Lexa feels wetness on her skin and it takes her a moment to realize the other girl is crying as well.

"Sssh. You can stop now."

"No. No, I-I _have_ to this. I ha-have to let it out. It's been haunting me for too long."

"I'm so sorry. I just feel so _helpless_. You're hurting and there's nothing I can do to make it better."

"That's not true. The pain for losing my first love will never go away, Clarke, but lying in your arms makes it hurt a little less. It doesn't feel like I'm drowning anymore. With you I can finally _breathe_ through this sorrow again."

She feels Clarke's lips pressing softly onto her chest and she hears the girl murmuring in her skin: "I'm here. Keep breathing. I'm not going anywhere." With that Lexa takes a deep breath and speaks again.

"I'm sure you can tell Titus isn't a big fan of showing affection and emotion, but I'll never forget his strong arms keeping me from falling as I sobbed into his chest. He stood by my side all the time as I was trying to figure out a way to save Costia. Everyone believed she was dead, so I couldn't just send a rescue party to get her back. Whatever we were going to do, it had to be done in the dark. I was still discussing a possible plan with my most trustworthy generals, when I was told a new messenger from Azgeda had arrived carrying a small box with him and he was waiting for me in my chambers. Not only had Nia killed the girl I loved, but she had also cut her head off and delivered it to my bed."

"Oh my God."

"I let her into my alliance, because I needed the Ice Nation to be by my side in the war against the Mountain Men. That's been the first time I made a choice with my head and not my heart. Sometimes blood _must not_ have blood, even if it is against the ways of my people."

Lexa keeps staring at the ceiling for a while before turning in Clarke's arms to face the girl. She slips her arms around her waist mirroring the blonde's position. A soft thumb comes up to caress her cheek, drying the remaining tears in the process, and, then, gentle lips press a long kiss on her forehead where her gear usually lies. When Clarke leans back, Lexa tucks her head under the girl's chin and she closes her eyes, finally letting sleep take over her body.

 _"Reshop, Heda."_ She hears Clarke murmur in her hair.

"Goodnight, Ambassador." She smiles lazily as they both fall asleep, safe in each other's arms.

 **Note: I'm so sorry I'm late uploading this. I was out all day yesterday and I didn't have time to stop and write a new chapter. But, to make it up to you, I made this chapter a lot longer than the others ;)**

 **Thank you for your patience and support! Xxx**


	6. The calm before the storm

A week later.

Clarke has been training with the Nightbloods everyday for the past week. She'd figured gaining some fighting skills wouldn't be a bad idea before going to war. She already knows how to shoot gun, of course, and she's become quite good with the knife, as it was a more versatile item to use to survive in the woods. Her aim still isn't as deathly as Lexa's, but she is able to throw her knife and catch her target most of the times, even from a very long distance. She's always been envious of Octavia's sword fighting skills, though, but she's never had time to ask the girl to teach her. Honestly, when it was about taking down Mount Weather it was better to be able to use a gun, since the enemy was going to fight back with those same fire arms. Now, instead, the enemy they're going to face will fight with swords, knives and spears. The Ice Nation warriors are skilled in hand-to-hand combat and, if she wants to have a chance of surviving and winning this battle, she needs to learn how to fight on their same level. So she spends as much time as she can sparring with either Aden or Lexa, when she's not dealing with her many Commander's duties. She'll never tell the girl, but she actually prefers training with the boy, because one she always has a hard time staying focused when her beautiful girlfriend is standing in front of her covered in sweat and flexing all of her strong muscles and two Aden is a much more patient teacher.

It's still barely past dawn, but she and Aden have been sparring for an hour already. Lexa had to attend an early meeting with some clan leaders to discuss a possible increase of food supplies coming from the capital and Clarke didn't feel like staying in bed alone, so she got up as well and went looking for the boy. All the Nightbloods had been so eager to spend time with the Sky girl, they practically jumped out of their beds to get ready for the training session. Clarke imagines these kids must miss their families and that's why they got so attached to Lexa, first, and her, now. What surprised her most, though, is how quickly she's grown fond of each one of them too. They're like the little brothers and sisters she could've never had on the Ark.

"You're getting much better at this." Aden says earning a snort from the girl under him.

"Says the boy who just pinned me to the ground for the fourth time in a row." The boy shrugs before moving away from on top of her holding his hand out to help her up as well.

"I've been doing this for years. It took me much longer than a week to come as far as you have."

"Guess your teacher wasn't as good as mine." She says with a conspiratorial smirk.

"Lexa might disagree." He chuckles.

"Please. She does nothing but praise you all the time." Clarke gives him a gentle shove on the shoulder.

"That's because I'm her favorite." He shrugs as a small smile appears on both of their faces.

"That's because you deserve it. You'd make a great Heda if her spirit chose you."

"Thank you, Wanheda."

"Clarke's fine." She's been trying to get the Nightbloods to let go of the formalities for a whole week, but it seems as though they really cannot do that.

After that, Clarke and Aden go on sparring for another good couple of hours and she even manages to almost send him to the ground one time and, if it counts as an improvement, not once does the boy manage to floor her again.

She and Aden are standing by the side of the training area drinking some water when Clarke feels a small hand tapping on her back. She turns to be met by two big blue eyes looking up at her. She smiles softly at the little girl before crouching down to be at the same eye level as her.

" _Sha, Trish_?"

"Can you show us those knife tricks you know again? We'd like to learn some of them?" The kid asks sheepishly, making Clarke smile at how adorable she is.

"Of course. You coming?" She asks Aden as Trish grabs her hand and starts dragging her towards the other Nightbloods.

"I don't know... Is it safe? I think I'd prefer to stay out of harm's way." He jokes sticking his tongue out at Clarke, to which the girl answers with an amused shake of her head and an ironic "Very funny."

The kids stare at her in awe as she shows off her best tricks, making each of them try ever so often. She's teaching the youngest Naitblida to throw a knife at a moving subject when she feels some movement at her back. Startled, she turns quickly to throw the knife at whoever is approaching from behind. It's takes her a second to recognize the person as Octavia, but it's still too late to stop the weapon aiming for her friend's face. Thankfully, Lincoln, who's walking right behind his girlfriend, is fast enough to realize what's happening and get her out the way, so that the knife ends up sticking to a wall behind them.

"Damn Clarke, is this a way to greet your friends?!" Octavia jokes.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" She rushes to her friends to make sure they're alright as the kids burst out laughing.

"There's nothing funny about this! I was a moment away from getting stabbed!" She pouts only managing to make them laugh even harder.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that." Clarke says retrieving the knife from where it's stuck in the wall. Once she's secured the weapon back to its place on her thigh she moves to greet her friends properly. "What are you doing here?" She says as she brings them in for a quick hug.

"We thought it'd be better if we brought the message ourselves: the Ice Nation army is only a couple of days away from Arkadia. We've already talked to Lexa and she's now preparing the Coalition army to march back with us. We're leaving at noon, the sooner we get home the better. I hope you're ready to fight, Wanheda." _Home?_ If only her friends knew where home is for her. Anyway, this is not the time for sentimentalism.

"I've been preparing for this battle for the whole week now. I'm ready." She say surely.

And with that the three of them move back to the tower to get ready for the ride to Arkadia. At a quick pace it will take them at least 48 hours to get there, she just hopes it's enough to anticipate the Ice Nation and position the army.

When they reach the doors of the throne room, Clarke motions for her fiends to wait outside as she goes in to quickly speak to the Commander. Lexa is standing in the middle of the room talking to Titus with her back to the entrance. They must be discussing who's going to take charge in her absence, but Octavia and Lincoln can't make it out from where they're standing. They only see Lexa turning to the sound of Clarke's steps approaching them and smiling at the sight of the girl walking up to her. They see Titus nodding his head at the two Commanders before excusing himself and leaving the room. No words are needed to understand that something is going on between the girls: the way their smiles brighten when they lock eyes with one another speaks louder than anything else. Anyway, if that wasn't enough proof, any doubt Lincoln and Octavia might have had on the nature of their relationship soon disappears when Clarke leans in to place a small peck on Lexa's lips before telling something to the other girl and leaving to go get ready. The couple standing by the doors just follows her to her room, exchanging looks all the way there but never addressing the subject.

At noon, when everyone is ready to leave, they gather in front of the tower to listen to Lexa's speech. When the Commander's done she gives orders to the infantry to start marching followed by the riders, that will cover their backs. The Nightbloods are patiently waiting by the tower entrance to say goodbye to their dear Heda. Lexa quickly makes her farewell by giving each of them a small shake of the hand, but when it's Clarke's turn to do the same, all the kids give her a tight hug instead. It seems as though they've finally given up the formalities after all, the Sky girl thinks as she fights to hold back her tears of emotion.

"Ready to go?" Lexa asks her softly as she fights back tears of her own. When Clarke gives her a small nod, she holds out her hand for the girl to take and together they walk to their horses.

They ride in pairs, Lexa and Lincoln in the front, followed by the other riders, and Clarke and Octavia at the back, so that, as the Commander had reasoned, they could use this time to catch up with their friends.

While Lexa and Lincoln have been talking for hours now, happily chatting about the most disparate things, the two girls have kept quite most of the time. It's Octavia to break the silence after a while, when she notices how she and Clarke have gained some distance from the riders in front of them. She still keeps her voice low so that only her companion can hear.

"Sooo... You and Lexa, eh?" She chuckles at the way her friend stares down at her horse to try and hide the huge blush that appears on her face. "How long have you two been a thing?"

"We are not a _thing_. We're... I don't even know what we are. She's the Commander and in her people's eyes she's not supposed to fall in love." Clarke says with a loud sigh.

"Wait. So _no one_ knows you're together?" She asks surprised. "And here I thought _I_ was the only one you didn't tell."

"Some people know. They've seen us walking around the streets in Polis holding hands, but we've been trying to be subtle about it. It's not like we had time to make an official announcement yet, you know." Octavia can't help but notice the sad tone in Clarke's voice. She knows what it feels like to be in a relationship your people don't agree with. She knows what it's like to be a Sky girl in love with a grounder, so she doesn't judge the other girl for loving the Commander. Not even if Lexa betrayed them, because she trusts Clarke when she says it won't happen again. Though, she is curious to know more about the real Lexa, the girl behind the Commander, so she asks: "What's she like? I mean the _real her_."

" _Perfect_. She's _kind_ and _caring_ and..." Her face lights up as she speaks about the girl she loves. "She's nothing like the heartless and ruthless person everyone knows. It's hard to explain, really. She's just... she's just _perfect_. I wouldn't know how to say it better."

"I'm glad you guys found each other." Octavia says sincerely.

"You're not mad I fell in love with the girl who betrayed us and left us to die?" Clarke says shocked. She thought her friend was going to react like her mother did, she definitely wasn't expecting her to be understanding and even happy about it.

"I know it was _your choice_ to let that missile kill all those people in TonDC and I know it was _your choice_ to form an alliance with Lexa in order to save our people. I can be mad at you for the wrong choices you made, but I cannot be mad for something you have _no control_ of. Love isn't a choice, it just happens."

"I'm afraid the rest of our people won't see it like that."

"Then _make_ them. Let them see who Lexa really is. Show them all the good things about her that had you fall for her."

"Did that work for you and Lincoln?"

"We're still working on it." She says and they both chuckle lightly at that. Maybe Octavia's right. She just has to keep fighting till all of her people will have understood and accepted their love.

 **Note: Here we go, late again. I know, I'm a horrible person :P To be honest, I had no idea what to right in this chapter and I just went with the first thing that came to my mind. I hope my imagination did a good job once again.**

 **Spoiler alert! I have something for you. It's a song that I think summarizes best what's going to happen in chapter 7, so if you don't want any spoilers, just ignore what's coming next.**

 ** _How can I say this without breaking_**

 ** _How can I say this without taking over_**

 ** _How can I put it down into words_**

 ** _When it's almost too much for my soul alone_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _And it hurts like hell_**

 ** _Yeah it hurts like hell_**

 ** _I don't want them to know the secrets_**

 ** _I don't want them to know the way I loved you_**

 ** _I don't think they'd understand it, no_**

 ** _I don't think they would accept me, no_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _And it hurts like hell_**

 ** _Yeah it hurts like hell_**

 ** _Dreams fight with machines_**

 ** _Inside my head like adversaries_**

 ** _Come wrestle me free_**

 ** _Clean from the war_**

 ** _Your heart fits like a key_**

 ** _Into the lock on the wall_**

 ** _I turn it over, I turn it over_**

 ** _But I can't escape_**

 ** _I turn it over, I turn it over_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _I loved and I loved and I lost you_**

 ** _And it hurts like hell_**

 **So, can you guess what's coming?**

 **Thank you all for sticking around!**

 **P.S. If you want to listen to the song it's "Hurts like hell" by Fleurie**


	7. Hurts like hell

The entire army is gathered in front of Lexa's tent, where a small dais has been erected for the Commander to give her pre battle speech. Clarke is standing in the crowd next to her people as they all patiently wait for the grounders' leader to make her entrance. Like the powerful Commander of Death she is considered to be, the girl is wearing an armor that resembles Lexa's and she has two stripes of war paint that go from her nose to her hairline on each side of her face. She's also armed like a true grounder, with a sword and her knife tucked respectively on her back and on her left thigh, and the only Skaikru weapon she carries is a small gun slipped into her belt on her right side. She hasn't had the chance to see Lexa ever since their war council the night before and she really wishes they can have a moment before moving to battle, since it has been decided that it would be best for the two Commanders to fight on different parts of the battlefield as they were the two sensible targets of the army. That way Azgeda won't be able to take down both of them at once, or so they hope.

When the Commander finally exits her tent and makes her way on the dais, the crowd bursts out into loud cheers that soon die as Lexa raises her hand asking for attention.

 _"Gona kom Kongeda, oso laik hir deyon shil Skaikru op, oso brana lukot, kom Azgeda. Geda chon jomp moun op, jomp oso op. Oso throu daun ogeda en oso kik thru ogeda."_ She pauses for a moment as her warriors start cheering again and, in the meantime, Clarke uses the break to translate the Commander's words for her people. "Warriors of the Coalition, we are here today to protect the Sky People, our new friends, from the Ice Nation. A clan who attacks another, attacks us all. We fight together and we survive together."

When the crowd grows quite, Lexa moves her gaze over her people before stopping to briefly lock her eyes with Clarke. The two girls exchange a quick nod before the Commander turns her head away to address the whole army one more time.

 _"Jus drein jus daun!"_ She shouts followed in chorus by all the warriors. _Blood must have blood!_ Clarke doesn't need to translate this, her people know all too well what those words mean. It's time, there's no going back now, either you fight or you die.

As soon as she sees Lexa walking towards her Clarke rushes to her girlfriend. They stand still for a moment, both considering whether or not they should show any kind of affection in front of their people. After a while they just decide to not give a damn about who's watching, because, hell, they're about to go to war and this might be the last time they see each other, even though neither of them wants to think this is goodbye.

They exchange a small smile before leaning in to press their lips together. Gathering all the self control they have, they somehow manage to not fall into a full make out session in front of everyone, keeping the kiss as sober and short as possible. When they part, they stay close so that her foreheads are still pressed together as they speak to one another. Clarke brings her hand up to caress softly Lexa's cheek as she starts: "Hey, Heda, don't you dare die on me. Do you hear me? You need to promise me you're not gonna die out there. I can't live without you." As she looks straight into Lexa's eyes she sees a flash of sadness appear in those beautiful green orbs.

"You know I can't promise that." She says as she runs her thumb on the other girl's face, mirroring Clarke's action. "Neither of us can. But what I _can_ promise is that I'm going to do anything in my power to come back to you, _ai hodness_."

" _Ai swega em klin sentaim_ , my love." _I promise you too._

 _"Heda, taim don kom op." It's time, Commander._ One of Lexa's generals says from behind them. If the man is upset by his Heda and Wanheda holding each other like that, he doesn't let it show.

"Alright. Let's get this over with." She nods before moving to follow the man.

"Wait!" Clarke quickly stops her in her tracks by grabbing her arm and turning her around so that they're facing each other again. She doesn't exactly know what to say, because she refuses to believe this is goodbye and, at same time, she doesn't want to part from Lexa just yet. She looks down at their hands as she intertwines her fingers with her girlfriend's, because she can't afford to look weak in front of their people, not today, but she knows, the moment she looks in those big green pools she loves so much, she won't be able to hold back her tears. When she feels Lexa giving her hand a small squeeze, she attempts to raise her head again and what she sees there shocks her. Apparently, she isn't the only one trying not to cry, the girl's eyes are just as watery as she imagines hers must be and Clarke thinks this is the first time she's ever seen Lexa shed tears in public. They're surrounded by warriors, yet here is the Commander letting all her walls down and being vulnerable for the girl she loves. Clarke knows how hard it is for Lexa to show weakness and her heart melts at the thought of this girl loving her so much to allow herself to appear weak for her. Without other hesitation she throws herself at her girlfriend and she holds her in a tight embrace, feeling Lexa return the hug just as fiercely.

"I love you." Clarke whispers brokenly in the girl's neck.

"I love you too." The brunette reciprocates before leaning back to place a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'll see you when this is all over. Be safe." And with that she turns to catch up with her group of warriors.

"You too." The blonde murmurs to Lexa's back before turning and joining her people to fight alongside them.

* * *

The fight has been going on for hours now, the Ice Nation army revealing itself to be a much harder enemy to take down than they'd originally expected. The amount of corpses Clarke has to avoid as she moves around the battlefield and the strong smell of blood make her feel sick to the stomach, but she keeps striking her sword back and forth because she can't afford getting distracted and risking to be killed for it. She's just run her blade through another Azgeda warrior when she hears a cold voice coming from behind her.

"Well, well, if it isn't the mighty Wanheda."

"Nia." She recognizes immediately the woman standing in front of her, even if she's never met the Ice Queen before.

"Looks like Lexa went to all the trouble to save you for nothing. She can't protect you this time, Sky girl. Your power will be mine and finally I'll become the only leader worth of the Commander's throne!" With that she throws herself at Clarke, drawing her sword at the girl, but, to her surprise, the blonde is quick enough to stop her blow with ease.

The sound of their blades colliding is all Clarke can hear for a long time until a loud pained scream sounds from her side and she turns her head to see if it was one of her people to get wounded. Nia uses the girl's inattention to kick her sword out of her hand and send the blonde back first on the ground. The sudden movement catches Clarke off guard and she doesn't have time to slow her fall to avoid hitting her head. She's lies there dazed for a moment till she sees the Ice Queen raising her sword in the air right above her chest before lowering it fiercely to run it through her heart. She thinks it's over for a second, but then she remembers something she'd seen Lexa do in one of her sparring sessions with the Nightbloods. She raises slightly her left leg so she can reach the knife tucked on her thigh and, right before the blade can run through her chest, she rolls on her side. Surprised by her quick move, Nia stares at her sword stuck on the forest floor giving Clarke just enough time to roll back with her legs raised to kick the woman straight in the ribs, sending her to the ground. They both get back on their feet quickly and Nia immediately raises her hand to lay a punch on Clarke's face, expecting the Sky girl to be unarmed as she is, but, to her surprise, as she's about to hit her she feels something sharp penetrating her flesh. Soon her mouth is filled by the typical taste of metal that is proper of blood and she moves her eyes down to see the blonde pushing a knife into her chest. She brings her gaze back on Clarke's face, her eyes wide open and her mouth gaping and, when their eyes lock, the girl turns the knife slightly in her chest sending another shot of pain through her body that is almost enough to take her breath away.

The blonde stares at her for another moment before letting out this next words in her lowest and most menacing voice: "I am Wanheda, Commander of Death, I don't need Lexa to fight for me. _Non na throu daun gon ai._ " _No one fights for me._ And with that she pulls the knife out of the Queen's flesh letting her drop down dead.

"For Costia." She whispers as the victory horns fill the battlefield with their sound.

* * *

The moment Clarke enters the gates of Arkadia she finds herself being brought into someone's arms for a tight embrace.

"Clarke! Oh my God, are you okay?" She leans back so she can take a proper look at her daughter searching for any visible injuries.

"Mom. I'm okay. I promise, I'm okay." Not to be rude, but she doesn't ask her mom if she's okay because she knows Abby stayed back inside the walls with Jackson to be ready to tend to the injured that were going to be brought in.

"Is Lexa here already?" She asks her mother moving her gaze around hoping to see her girlfriend walking among the crowd of warriors returning from battle.

"No, she has yet to come back. But the battle just ended, I'm sure she'll be here soon." She quickly adds when she sees panic overtaking Clarke's features.

"Yeah..." Her voice is all but convinced, though she does appreciate her mother's effort to calm her down.

"Clarke!" A voice shouts from behind them.

"Octavia!" She exclaims as she runs to her friend, relief clear on her face at the sight of her friend standing safe and sound in front of her. She'd lost sight of her at some point during the battle and she was honestly worried the girl might have been dead.

"You're ok?" She asks, mirroring her mother's actions from before. "Wait, where's Lincoln? He's not..."

"No, he's fine. He'll be here soon." She reassures her quickly, but something in her voice doesn't sound quite right. It's like there's something she's holding back. Something that can be nothing but bad news.

"Good. I'm glad you're both okay." She says with a sincere smile on her face.

"Clarke, there's something I need-" Octavia starts just to be interrupted by Clarke as the blonde remembers she was looking for Lexa before her friend showed up.

"Hey, you don't happen to have seen Lexa, do you? She has yet to come back from battle and..." She trails off when she sees the other girl turning her head away as if to avoid her gaze. She's definitely hiding something.

"What? You've seen her? Is she okay?!"

"Clarke..." Maybe it's the sad tone of her voice or the way her eyes water as she looks back at her, or maybe it's the fact that everyone is back from battle but her girlfriend, anyway something inside Clarke clicks and she starts to panic again.

"Where is she? What aren't you telling me?" When Octavia avoids her gaze once again, she starts yelling. "Octavia, what happened?! Where the hell is she?!"

"I'm sorry." She says in a small voice before slowly turning to look at Clarke.

"What?" She whispers afraid of what's coming next.

"We did everything we could but... She'd lost too much blood. I'm so sorry" She cries as she looks somewhere past Clarke's shoulder. The blonde follows her eyes until her gaze falls on Lincoln.

"No..." She shakes her head at the sight of the boy approaching them with a lifeless Lexa in his arms.

"Oh my God." She cries. This can't be happening. Please, let it be just her worst nightmare. There's no way Lexa's dead, she can't be dead, they were supposed to find each other once the battle was over and, and hug each other and kiss and, and-

"I'm sorry." Lincoln interrupts her trail of thoughts as he comes to a stop in front of her.

"Lincoln. Put her down." Octavia says gently as she places a hand on her boyfriend's upper arm, encouraging him to do as he was told. She knows he has orders to bring the Commander's body to the medical center, where all the other corpses are being taken while the ones who have survived prepare the pyre for a proper funeral ceremony, but she also knows that Clarke needs to hold the girl she loves one last time before they burn her body.

After a moment of hesitation, Lincoln gives up and, with a small nod of agreement, he crouches down to place Lexa's body on the ground.

As soon as Lincoln gets back up, Clarke lets herself drop heavily on her knees, not even bothering the pain that shoots through her bones at the impact with the ground. Nothing will ever come close to the pain she's feeling right now. It's like her heart has been shattered in a million pieces and her lungs have being drained of all of the air they held inside. She's not even sure if her heart is still beating, it might as well have stopped the moment she saw Lexa slumped lifelessly in Lincoln's strong arms.

Now that she's closer she can make out two bullet holes on the girl's abdomen. Lexa's shirt is soaked in her own dark blood and there's a trail of dried blood that goes from the side of Lexa's mouth to her chin. As she takes it all in, tears start streaming down her cheeks. She holds a hand on her chest, trying vainly to alleviate the pain that fills heart and that, she knows, will never go away. Her other hand goes to her mouth when she lets out the first sob. She shakes her head fiercely as she cries before leaning down to pull Lexa's lifeless body in her lap. She embraces the girl tightly as she sobs in her the crook of her neck, seeking for the warmth she used to find there.

All she sees is Lexa and all she hears are her own broken sobs. She doesn't notice the small crowd of people that's gathered around them. She doesn't see Octavia and Lincoln crying in each other's arms at the sight of their friend breaking down in front of their eyes. She doesn't see Kane holding his arm securely around Abby's shoulders as her mother cries, finally understanding the depth of Clarke's feelings for Lexa. She doesn't see her people shocked, surprised and sad faces as they find out in this moment, as she's sobbing desperately in her dead girlfriend's chest, that their former leader and the grounders' leader were much more than just the Commander of the 13th clans and the Ambassador of the Sky People to one another. She doesn't notice, but everyone knows Clarke and Lexa loved each other with all of their beings despite the harshness of the world they were forced to live in.

 **Note: Please don't hate me. You knew this was coming, I'd warned you in the summary. Don't worry, though, there's much of our lovely Lexa to come.**

 **One more thing, I just realize that I've been misspelling the word "Natblida" for all this time. I'm so sorry, I'll try to go back and correct the mistake.**

 **Thank you all for reading! Stay tuned for the next uploads! Xxxx**


	8. Shouldn't be a good in goodbye

"Clarke..." Abby calls her gently as she comes to stand next to her daughter. Clarke doesn't move, she just stands there looking down blankly. For how creepy it might sound, the girl has spent the entire night in the medical center by Lexa's side, never once letting go of the girl's limp hand. Abby's not sure whether Clarke is holding onto Lexa to feel like she's still here somehow or in the desperate hope of being able to transfer some warmth back to that now cold body. Looking in her daughter's eyes, though, she's not even sure the girl has any reason at all. Her eyes are cast down, but not quite looking at Lexa's figure. Those blue orbs that had been so full of life just the day before, as the two girls were holding each other lovingly, are now completely empty. They say the eyes are the mirror of the soul and maybe it's true, because Clarke can't feel anything right now, she's just empty.

Abby gently places a hand on her daughter's forearm in an attempt to get some kind of reaction from the girl. Not raising her head, Clarke murmurs in a voice so low her mother almost doesn't notice she's talking.

"We should take her back to the capitol. Her people deserve to a have the chance to say goodbye properly."

"Okay." Slowly she lowers her hand until it's resting on Clarke and Lexa's joined ones. She waits a second there and, when she sees no refusal from the blonde, she pushes her fingers between the girls' hands before grabbing her daughter's and pulling it away from the hold she has on Lexa's. Contrary to her expectations, Clarke doesn't protest and it breaks Abby's heart to see her kid so lost and broken. She caresses the top of the girl's hand with her thumb for a while before talking again.

"The funeral ceremony is starting in a moment. Do you think you can come say one last goodbye to your people? Hers and yours. Both the grounders and our people would appreciate you being there." It's a good thing she's staring closely at Clarke or she would've missed the almost imperceptible nod the girl gives her in response. With that Abby starts walking towards the door bringing her daughter out of the room with her.

As soon as Clarke is out in the main yard where a funeral pile has been set, Octavia and Raven rush towards her to bring her in for a hug. The broken girl doesn't move, though. She doesn't return the embrace and she doesn't even seem to acknowledge the presence of her friends, her gaze staring blankly at somewhere in front of her. The two girls look at her for a moment, worry covering her features, and then they turn to Abby as if to ask her silently how Clarke is holding on. The woman's eyes water when she shakes her head sadly, because her daughter isn't holding at all, she's falling to pieces and Abby doesn't know what to do to help.

When Clarke is asked to light the pyre on fire, because the honor should be hers since she's the Commander of Death, she doesn't realize her legs have moved until she feels the hard material of a torch being placed in her hand. Her body is moving on its own accord, like it remembers what to do from that time she had to burn Finn's body in TonDC. She doesn't know where it comes from, but somehow she manages to murmur " _Yu gonplei ste odon_." as the bodies on the pyre start to burn.

After the ceremony, Lexa's generals, Clarke, Abby and Kane reunite in the council room to decide how to bring the Commander's body back to Polis and who of the Sky People is going to come to the Capitol to be present at the ceremony. It takes them a good half an hour to come to an agreement. Clarke doesn't talk for the whole time, she just stands there in a corner of the room staring blankly at the arguing people. No one tries to ask for her opinion, both because they know she won't answer and because they're not even sure she's hearing anything of what is said. In the end, the grounder warriors give in and they agree that the safest way to transport the body is with the Skaikru's rover. Kane will drive and Abby will be in the car with him, while Clarke will be riding her horse alongside the generals. There was no doubt Wanheda would be going to Polis, but as per Kane and Abby their reasoning were that he should be present as their clan leader and she wanted to be close to her daughter as she's mourning Lexa's death.

* * *

Clarke is standing by her horse, putting the last of her things in the saddlebags, when a man approaches her from behind.

"You know, I might have a way for you to see your precious Commander again..."

 _Jaha_. It's been forever since she last saw the man. Not that she missed his presence, that is. She knew he wasn't completely normal when he kept muttering about a City of Light he planned to find, but this, this is a whole new level of craziness. Something in her eyes must show what she's thinking, because the man, who is now standing in front of her, soon adds: "You think I'm crazy, but I'm not. There's this place, the City of Light, where there's no death. Everyone who died on this Earth is there. I've seen it myself."

"You're high."

"I'm not. I've never been more sober." With that he takes something from his pants pocket and hands it to Clarke. It looks like some sort of chip. The blonde eyes it for a moment before looking at Jaha as if to ask what the hell she is supposed to do with that thing.

"I just want to help you, Clarke. Take it. It's the Key to the City of Light. You just have to swallow it, close your eyes and focus on the person you want to see again and you'll find yourself in this virtual reality where no death is present."

"That easy, eh? Thanks, but I'm not taking that thing." She says harshly.

"well, that's a pity." He states before moving the chip back in his pocket. "Her death doesn't have to be the end."

 _Don't be afraid, Clarke. Death is not the end._

"Shut up." She's not even sure whether she's saying this to Jaha or to the voice in her head that's replaying Lexa's words.

"You're just afraid, Clarke." _Don't be afraid._

"I said shut up!" She cries shaking her head in order to get rid of the small voice that's haunting her mind. The man realizes he must've touched a sore spot, but he doesn't let the girl's words stop him from taking the chip out and placing it in Clarke's hand.

"What are you doing?! I don't want your stupid key to this City of Light!"

"Yes, you do." With that he closes Clarke's hand around the chip and he turns to go back inside the walls of Arkadia. The girl stares at his back for a while before turning back to her horse and raising her hand over her head to throw the chip into the woods. She's about to let it go when she remembers another conversation she and Lexa had right before the battle.

 _What I can promise is that I'm going to do anything in my power to come back to you, ai hodness._

 _I promise you too._

Maybe she should keep the chip with her. If Jaha is right, it might be her only way to get back to Lexa as promised.

* * *

Once in Polis Lexa's body is cleaned by a few handmaids and redressed in clean clothes. A small altar is built in the throne room for just the Nightbloods and the clan leaders to say their own personal farewell to the late Commander before the public ceremony starts.

The second Clarke enters the room, where Titus and the kids are having a moment to say goodbye to their beloved Heda, the youngest Natblida rush towards her to embrace her tightly in a group hug. Abby and Kane, who are still standing by the doors, are shocked by this much affection displayed by the children for Clarke and even more by the fact that, since Lexa's death, this is the first time Clarke's eyes don't look as blank and lost as before. They're filled emotion, love, and Abby wants to cry because she was beginning to think she'd never see life in those beautiful blue eyes again. It's clear to her and Marcus that a lot of things have changed in the week the girl was here in Polis before the battle and a strong bond was formed between Clarke and the Nightbloods. When the first group of children lets her go, another group of older-looking kids moves to hug her. They take their time, each waiting patiently for their turn to be held by the Sky girl. For last is a boy that Clarke addresses as Aden and they guess he must be the one to have become closest to the blonde. From their position they can barely make out his face, but it's enough to tell he's trying to stay stoic as tears threaten to fall down his cheeks. They see Clarke holding herself together and acting strong for the broken boy in front of her and for all of them really. It's such a mother-like action to put her pain aside for a moment in order to infuse strength into these children and teens she obviously loves so much.

After Clarke and Aden break out of their embrace, Titus, who had kept to the side, takes a few steps forward to speak to the girl.

"I believe the Nightbloods have something for you, Wanheda." At the words Clarke turns towards the kids questioningly until she hears Aden clear his throat. She looks at him and for a moment she doesn't understand why the boy is holding out a knife in his hands, but then it clicks.

"Lexa's knife." She whispers surprised. "Doesn't it belong to the one of you who'll become the next Commander?"

"It does." Aden smiles softly at her before adding: "We talked about it and we've all agreed it should be yours. So every time you use it it'll be like Lexa is protecting you." Murmurs of agreement come from the other Natblida.

Clarke is at a loss of words and she just stands there staring at the knife Aden has placed in her hand. When her gaze comes up again to look at the kids, her eyes are watery, though her tears stay unshed, and her voice wavers slightly as she says: " _Mochof_." _Thank you_.

It's a guard to interrupt the moment to announce that it's time to start the ceremony. He's soon followed by other three guards carrying a wooden stretcher with them. As gently as it can be expected by four warriors they move Lexa's body onto it before lifting it up to rest it on their shoulders. They exit the room first with everyone else in tow and they walk like this to the main square where a pyre is ready. The crowd of grounders is standing in circle around it but leaving enough space for all of the clan leaders, including Roan who had been nominated King of Azgeda, to stand on the step that was built all around the pyre. Each clan leader is given a torch, because it feels about right to give every clan the honor to light the funeral pile on fire. Clarke and Titus receive their torches as well, since they hold a high role as the Commander of Death and the Flamekeeper.

Titus raises his hand asking for silence and, when the area falls perfectly quiet, he starts speaking.

"People of Polis, members of the Coalition, it is with a sad heart that we stand here today to say goodbye to our beloved Commander. I'm sure you all can agree when I say Lexa was special. She was a visionary and no Commander before had been as wise as her. She believed in a world where we could live in peace, united as one. It is our duty now to keep this union alive in honor of her hard work." He pauses a moment to wait for the voices in the crowd to grow silent again, then he concludes: _"Yu gonplei ste odon, Leksa kom Trikru. Gonplei kom Heda kigon feva." You fight is over, Lexa of the Tree People. The Commander's fight goes on._

" _Yu gonplei ste odon, Heda_." Everyone in the crowd exclaims.

"Maybe Wanheda wishes to say something as well." The bald man offers looking at the girl standing next to him. Clarke nods thankfully before turning to glance at Kane for a moment. The Sky leader looks back at her questioningly, but when she starts talking he understands.

"It's something my people say as a wish given to our dear ones who have passed." She waits for Kane to catch up before they speak the next words in chorus, joined by Abby from the crowd.

"In peace, may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again." And with that all the clan leaders lower their torches to light the pyre on fire before stepping back down.

* * *

It's sunset when the last of the flames is dying down. A pile of ashes is all that is left of Lexa and the wood that formed the pyre. The crowd has left a little at a time until only Clarke and Aden are left in the square. They stand there just silently staring at the fuming ashes for what feel s like forever. When Aden turns to leave, the sound of Clarke's voice stops him in his tracks.

"Why is it _good_ bye?" She asks looking up at the boy for a second. She knows he's not following, so she continues while moving her eyes back on what used to be her girlfriend's body. "There's absolutely nothing good about it. It's like something bad that's going to get even worse, like a storm without ending, like the last moment of composure before the inevitable break. It's not gracious and it's not meant to give hope that something good might come out of it. It's just the proof that you're already drowning and the worst part is that you haven't even hit the bottom of that ocean floor yet."

"Yeah, you're right. There shouldn't be a good in goodbye." And with that he finally walks towards the tower leaving Clarke alone.

 _After the silence,_

 _After the last words._

 _Caught in the silence._

 _Caught in between._

 _After the madness._

 _After the slow shock._

 _Before the wave hits,_

 _The flood comes rushing in._

 _This is the bad before the worse._

 _This is the storm before the storm._

 _I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor._

 _This is the bend before the break._

 _This is the mercy not the grace._

 _This is the proof and not the faith I try to find._

 _There shouldn't be a good in goodbye._

 _If I never loved you,_

 _If I never felt your kiss._

 _If I never had you._

 _I know that I..._

 _I still would have mourned you._

 _I would have missed your smile._

 _If it wasn't so worth it,_

 _This wouldn't be..._

 _Oh, this wouldn't be_

 _The bad before the worse._

 _And the storm before the storm._

 _I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor._

 _This is the bend before the break._

 _This is the mercy not the grace._

 _This is the proof and not the faith I try to find._

 _There shouldn't be a good in goodbye._

 _I know this is gonna get better, oh._

 _I know this is gonna get better, oh._

 _I know..._

 _This is the bitter not the sweet._

 _This is the take and not the keep._

 _And I haven't even reached the bottom of this ocean floor._

 _This is the bend before the break._

 _This is the mercy not the grace._

 _This is the proof and not the faith I try to find._

 _There shouldn't be a good in goodbye._

 _Yeah._

 _There shouldn't be good in goodbye._

 _There shouldn't be a good in goodbye._

 **Note: Hey there, my people! How's it going? Still broken hearted for Lexa's death? Don't worry, I am too, but her fight is over yet.**

 **About that chip, instead, what do you think is going to happen? Clarke still has it with her and, who knows, she might as well use it at some point. Guess you're gonna have to stay tuned to find out. ;)**

 **One last thing, for those of you who wish to listen to the song it's "Shouldn't be a good in goodbye" by Jason Walker. Enjoy your listening! ;)**

 **Ok that's all. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! All your comments are more than appreciated! Xxx**


	9. The Conclave

The night of Lexa's funeral Clarke doesn't go back to her old room, leaving it for her mother and Kane to sleep in, and she doesn't even go to the Commander's chambers, because it hurts too much to be in a place she used to share with Lexa without the girl being there. She walks up and down the hallway for a while, wondering whether she should even try to sleep at all, since every time she closes her eyes images of her girlfriend come hunting her dreams. When she sees Titus leaving the Nightbloods' quarters she walks towards the man to ask about the kids.

"How are they doing?"

"They're sad about Lexa's passing and worried about the Conclave that starts tomorrow. I'm afraid they're not going to be able to get much sleep tonight."

"Maybe I could stay with them for the night. I think I can manage to get them to sleep a few hours at least." She asks hesitantly, because she's sure the man won't like the idea, but, to her surprise, Titus seems to consider the offer seriously before nodding slowly in agreement.

Clarke gives a thankful nod back to the man and then she slips into the Nightbloods' dormitory. The kids are sitting in circle on the floor, they're talking about something she can't understand from where she's standing by the door. They're eyes move up to look at her as soon as they hear her footsteps resonate inside the room, but they don't move from their place on the floor. Clarke takes a quick look at all of their faces and she sees that almost everyone has tear tracks down their cheeks. Taking a deep breath she moves her mouth in a soft smile before talking.

"Titus said I can sleep with you for tonight. If that's okay with you, of course." She smiles a bit more when she sees them nod eagerly at the idea of having her with them for an entire night.

"We were sharing our best memories of the Commander... Do you wanna join us?" A girl that goes by the name of Skye asks her.

Clarke doesn't say anything for a little while, because she wants to be there for these kids, but at the same time she's not ready to talk about Lexa at all. Not yet. She swallows heavily and, when she's about to accept, Aden speaks.

"You can just listen if you're not ready to talk about her yet." Every other Natblida nods along, because they all understand Clarke must be hurting more than anyone else for Lexa's death, even though she doesn't let it show in front of them.

She's not sure just listening is going to be any easier, but she still accepts the offer before sitting down between Trish and Cal, the two youngest Nightbloods.

She listens for a good couple of hours as the kids take turns remembering their favorite moments with their Heda and she doesn't say a word when the room falls quiet after everyone has run out of stories to tell.

"Clarke?" It's Trish to finally break the silence.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I don't wanna die." She says in a voice so small Clarke almost misses it.

"What?" That's not what she was expecting her to say. She knows that tomorrow in the Conclave nine of these kids will have to die, but she just didn't have time yet to process what that truly meant.

"The Conclave starts tomorrow and we both know there's no way I'm gonna win. I just-" When her voice cracks and tears fall down her cheeks Clarke rushes to bring her into her side for a tight hug.

She doesn't know what to say, because "everything's gonna be okay" is a lie not even a child would believe. The realization that she's about to lose other people she cares about dawns on her and she can feel her breath being taken away from her completely. She's just a moment away from having a full panic attack, but she forces the air back into her lungs with a series of deep inhales. This is about the kids not _her_ , she needs to be strong for _them_. Without Lexa it's her job to be the rock they can lean on, even though she feels more like a rock that's sinking to the bottom of the ocean than something they can hold onto in order to stay afloat.

Once again it is Aden to read right through her silence, understanding exactly what she's feeling and offering her a way out.

"We should try to get some sleep now. Come on, let's get into bed." With that he moves onto his bed knowing the others will follow his example.

"You'll stay here, right?" Cal says as he gets up from his place next to Clarke.

"I'll be right here watching over you. _Ai swega em klin_." _I promise_. He seems satisfied with her answer and so is everyone else because they all move under their covers before saying in chorus: " _Reshop, Klark."_

"Goodnight." She whispers not trusting her voice with any louder tone as her eyes fill with tears.

 _Reshop, Heda._

 _Goodnight, Ambassador_.

Every flashback is like a blade running through her heart, but, at the same time, she doesn't want them to stop, because she doesn't want to forget _anything_ about her time with Lexa.

She doesn't even try to sleep. What's the point anyway, when she knows images of death will come haunting her dreams. Lexa was her home and she's dead. The Nightbloods are her friends and family and only one of them will survive the Conclave. Why does she have to keep losing _everyone_ she cares about?!

 _Not everyone. Not you._ Oh God! She's going to get mad. She covers her ears with her hands as she shakes her head fiercely to get the voices and thoughts out of her mind.

 _It's okay. You're safe._ It doesn't work, of course. The voice is still there and Clarke is sobbing in her hands quietly trying not to wake the kids up.

 _You bleed for nothing. You cannot stop this._ Wait what? She's not bleed- suddenly she can feel the pain cursing through her hands and that's when she realizes at some point in her attempt to block the memories out she's started digging her nails hard into her palms causing them to bleed.

 _The pain will never go away_. She can't breathe. She can't-

 _This is wrong!_

 _It is also are only choice and you know it._

 _The dead are gone, Clarke. The living are hungry._

 _You wanna know why I saved you? Because I need you._

 _Then be ready to fight._

And with that Clarke passes out.

"Clarke. Clarke, wake up! Come on, you need to breathe! Clarke!" It's Aden's panicked voice to bring her back to consciousness. She feels her lungs burning and she sits up to help get some air in. She welcomes the fresh intake of air with a loud gasp and as soon as the boy sees she's breathing again he throws his arms around her neck letting out a relieved sigh. He keeps his hold strong, but not too much, allowing Clarke to inhale a proper amount of air.

"I'm sorry I woke you." She says when she realizes nine pairs of eyes are staring at her worriedly.

"Don't you dare scare us like that again." Aden cries in the crook of her neck and she pushes him back by his shoulders so she can look him in the eyes. With her thumb she brushes away the tears streaking down his cheeks before speaking.

"Hey, I'm okay. I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm fine now. I promise." She doesn't move her eyes from the ones of the boy until he gives her a small nod.

"You still have a few hours before the Conclave starts. Go back to sleep." She says to everyone as she moves to stand up.

"Where are you going?" Skye asks refusing to lie back down.

"I'm sorry, I know I said I would stay here with you all night, but I need to get some fresh air."

"We'll see you in the morning?" Vin, a twelve-year-old boy, asks hopefully from behind her.

"Of course." She answers without hesitation as she ruffles the boy's hair smiling kindly at him.

She makes sure everyone is back in their beds before leaving the room to go for a walk around the still empty city streets.

* * *

"No, there _has_ to be another way!" Clarke shouts, finally losing it.

She and Titus have been arguing for at least forty minutes, because she won't just let her kids die without a fight. She's been trying to convince the Flamekeeper to find an alternative in which the Nightbloods don't have to kill each other in order to determine a winner of the Conclave, but the bald man won't hear any reasons.

"There _isn't_! This has been the way of our people ever since _Pramheda_ , you can't just come down here from the sky and expect us to change all of our oldest traditions just because you and your people don't like them!" He shouts back just as loudly.

"I've _just_ lost Lexa, I'm _not_ gonna sit there and watch them die too!" That's it! She's done trying to talk some sense into him, it's time for her to act, whether he agrees or not. They're just kids, they're still alive and hungry and it is her job now to protect them.

"Where do you think you're going?! This discussion is not over yet!" Titus yells at her back as she's storming out of the throne room.

"Yes, it is." She says firmly stopping at the doors and, before the man can object, she adds: "Plus someone needs to go wake the Nightbloods up." And with that she walks down the hallway to the Natblida's quarters.

She's about to knock on the door when she gets an idea. There is one thing she was able to catch of the meeting they had in Arkadia before leaving for Polis: the Sky people were going to bring some of their medical supplies to the capitol as an offer to the Coalition that welcomed them as one of their own. She remembers a trick her mother uses at times during her surgeries when the patients start bleeding out and she hopes Abby has brought the drugs necessary for it to work. Without bothering to worry her mom and Kane might still be asleep, she enters her old room without knocking.

"What the hell?! _Clarke_? Honey, what are you doing here _at dawn_?" Her mother asks as she moves to sit up, resting her back on the headboard.

Clarke takes a moment to look at the man under the covers next to Abby. She's been aware of their closeness for a while now, but it doesn't make it any less weird. When her mom clears her throat embarrassed she finally explains herself.

"I need your help. You brought some of Arkadia's medical supplies as an offer to Polis, right?" All she gets as a response is two pairs of shocked eyes staring back at her.

"What? I had a few moments when I wasn't completely out of it." She says understanding the two must've thought she wasn't paying attention when they talked about it with Lexa's generals.

They look a little less shocked now, but they still can't answer her question, so she asks again.

"Do you have the supplies with you or not?"

"Ye-yeah. I still haven't got the chance to bring them to the medical center... They're in that box by the armchair, _why_? What do you need?" Abby finally answers as she gets out of bed to reach her daughter.

"The drugs you use to stop your patients' hearts momentarily when they're bleeding out... and the adrenaline... did you bring some of those too?"

"I _did_. Clarke... What's going on?" She's now standing in front of the girl, looking at her worriedly and questioningly.

"It's the Nightbloods. I'm trying to find a way to keep them alive. They're just kids, mom. They shouldn't have to kill each other to choose a new Commander."

"What's your plan?" Kane asks coming to stand next to them.

"They'll just have to _pretend_ to kill each other. I'll give each of them a small capsule containing the drug on its inside and, as they go down, they'll have to break it with their teeth and swallow the drug. A healer will go make sure they're really dead before they'll be brought out of the arena to give space to the others. We'll have a couple of minutes to give them the adrenaline and restart their hearts." She can barely finish talking before her mother hisses at her.

"This is crazy! What if something goes wrong? What if someone catches us? What if it will take them more than a couple of minutes to verify they're dead and take them out of the arena? We won't be able to get their hearts to beat again then."

"I know it's risky, okay! If you don't want a part in it, I get it! But I'm _not_ gonna do nothing when there's a chance I can _save_ them!" Her voice wavers as she shouts the last words. With a deep breath she gets herself back together and then she speaks again, hoping Abby will understand why she's willing to risk everything on this. "They're the closest thing I have to a family. _I can't lose them too_."

"Okay. We'll do this. But we need to explain to the kids _exactly_ what they need to do for this to work out right."

" _Thank you_." She says hugging her mother thankfully.

* * *

Clarke and Abby are giving the adrenaline to the last Nightblood when Aden comes rushing into the room.

"Ti...Titus..." Is all he manages to say, out of breath as he is, before the bald man bursts into the room behind him and starts shouting at Clarke.

"What is the meaning of this?!"

"I told you I wasn't gonna let them d-" She tries but Titus cuts her off.

"What did you do?!"

 _What did you do?_

 _What you would've done. Saved my people._

"What Lexa would've done. Saved her people." She answers standing her ground. "Lexa believed Aden would be the one to succeed her. We've just respected the Commander's choice."

" _The Commander's choice_?! Not always the Nightblood chosen by a Commander is the one to win the Conclave! Lexa's had faith in Aden's abilities to win, but it _doesn't_ mean her spirit would've made the same choice!" He yells as he moves closer to Clarke up until the point where there's almost no personal space between the two of them, but the girl still doesn't back down.

"You did it yourself with Costia before, why is this any different?!"

"That was _one_ person, this is _nine kids_ we're talking about! How am I supposed to hide them all?!"

"It's easy, really. The people of Polis don't know what they look like. Not well enough to recognize them as the Nightbloods who supposedly have died in the Conclave."

"So you want me to _what_? Send them out of the tower into the city streets hoping someone finds them and offers them a place to stay or even a _family_ perhaps?" He isn't serious about it, but it gives Clarke an idea.

"Are there any orphanages?" she asks wonderingly. Titus looks at her for a moment before it clicks.

"That's not happening." He says in a tone that doesn't leave space for arguments.

"Ok, you know what? Why don't we just let them stay here, inside the tower? This is their home after all and we're their family. We'll just keep them inside and no one will notice they're still alive. Once they grow old enough to take care of themselves, we'll let them go outside to live the life they want. At that point they won't be children anymore and nobody will be able to tell who they are."

"Except for the fact that every time they bleed they shed black blood." He says matter-of-factly.

"We'll all be careful." Clarke waits a second before adding: "Titus. I know you're not heartless. I know you cared about Lexa and I know you _feel_ for these kids. I know you're actually _glad_ they're not dead. I'm sorry I broke the rules, but I'm _not_ sorry I saved their lives. We'll figure it out, okay?" She knows he's given up his fight when he sighs heavily and shakes his head.

"You're lucky Lexa and the Nightbloods love you."

" _Please_ everyone knows deep down you care about me too." She dares to joke now that they're not yelling at each other anymore. Titus gives her an exasperated shake of his head when she smirks proudly at him.

"If you say so, Wanheda."

"I know so. _Fleimkepa_."

* * *

 **AN: How about some cliffhanger, eh? Oh well, I'm gonna give it to you anyway :P**

Clarke goes to sleep in Lexa's room for the night, since this is her last chance to sleep here as it will become Aden's room tomorrow. She puts on her blue nightgown and slips under the covers. She's tired, because it's been days since she last had a good night of sleep, but everything around her smells like Lexa and she can't stop thinking about her. She tries rolling onto her side and hugging her girlfriend's pillow pretending it's her, but, of course, it doesn't work. She misses Lexa's strong arms securing her against her body, she misses her warmth, her smile, her voice, her... _Her_. She just misses _her_.

She's alone now. She doesn't have to be strong anymore, so she just let's it all out, sobbing hard into Lexa's pillow. She cries like that for what feels like forever, until she has no more tears to shed. She's so worn out she can barely move, but, when she's about to succumb to sleep, she remembers something.

"The chip." She whispers to herself as she forces her tired body out of bed. She goes through her bags looking for the _Key to the City of Light_ , or whatever Jaha said it was called. When she finds it, she goes out onto the balcony and she sits down onto its cold floor. She moves her gaze up to the stars before whispering: "I'll see you soon, my love."

And with that she swallows the chip and closes her eyes. She focuses her mind on the person she wants so much to be able to hold again.

 _Lexa_.

 **Note: OMG! What did she do?! Do you think it's gonna work? Is Clarke going to see Lexa again or was Jaha really just high when talking about the City of Light?**

 **Well, I guess you're gonna have to stay tuned to find out ;)**

 **Thank you for reading and thank you for all the positive reviews! Xxxx**

 **P.S. I apologize to those of you who were expecting a big fighting scene for the Conclave. This wasn't my original idea for this chapter, but, when I had to write, I couldn't find it in myself to kill nine kids. Forgive me for being weak when it's about children's lives.**


	10. AUTHOR'S NOTE!

**Author's note:**

 **Hey guys! Here's the thing, I'm working at a summer camp this week and I also have study for my driving license exam next Tuesday, so I can't find much time to right these days. Im so sorry, because before being a fanfic writer I'm a fanfic reader and I know what it means to be waiting for the next chapter of a fic you follow to come out. I hate it when I have to wait for a long time, especially when it's supposed to be a very special chapter, and I don't want you to wait much either. Don't worry, though, because after a long thought I've come out with a possible solution: I'll split chapter 10 in a few short parts, so I can upload one everyday and you can have something to read.**

 **I promise you when this hell of a week is over I'll be back uploading long chapters like usual.**

 **Thank you so much for understanding and sticking around. Xxxx**

 **PS Chapter 10A coming real soon.**


	11. The City of Light (Part 1)

**AN: I'm so sorry it looked fine on my iPad when I first updated this. Tell me if you still can't read it.**

When Clarke opens her eyes again she's not on the balcony of Lexa's room anymore. She's standing in the middle of a narrow road, closed on each side by a series of houses. They're all one or two-stores houses with flat roofs, just like the ones in Polis. She smiles to herself when she remembers the night Lexa told her about her childhood adventures as a young Natblida in training where she would have to run and jump from one roof to another along the streets of the capital. She can imagine Lexa doing the same now on these roofs.

She's brought out of her thoughts by the sound of steps coming from behind. Her heart stops, because she would recognize that sound of boots against the road anywhere. It's crazy, but when you love someone, a family member, a friend, a lover, you pay attention to the small things such as the typical sound of their steps on an unsurfaced road and so you become able to tell their presence before even seeing them. That's why she can't breathe anymore, that's why she doesn't move, afraid to be brought out of this amazing dream. But most of all, that's why she doesn't need to turn or to hear her voice to know the hand that's come to rest gently on her shoulder is hers. She _knows_ , but she still can't believe Jaha's chip actually works, so she asks anyway.

"Lex?" Her voice cracks as her eyes fill with tears.

The hand on her shoulder moves down to intertwine its fingers with Clarke's as another hand does the same on the other side. Clarke's body tenses as she tries to hold back the sobs that threaten to come out and wreck her. She feels her arm being moved so that their right hands come to rest on her heart and their left ones across her belly.

"I'm here." Lexa finally speaks before tightening her hold on Clarke until their bodies are pressed against one another.

Clarke shakes slightly, but she's still refusing to let go. Lexa, of course, can feel it and so she whispers in her ear: "I've got you." You can let go now, Clarke. You can break down, because I'm here to hug and kiss all of your prices back together. That's all she tries to convey in just those four words and Clarke understands it all.

When the blonde lets out the broken sob she'd been holding, Lexa brings her even deeper into her as if to prove her words. And with that Clarke finally lets go, sinking on her knees as her body wrecks with her loud sobs. Lexa never lets go of the girl, she just goes down with her, kneeling behind her and holding her tightly. She doesn't try to shush her or whisper sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down, because she knows the girl needs to let it all out and break completely in order to start again and _live_ again.

 **Note: Too short? Sorry. I'm doing the best I can, but Lexa is back, so... Yay!**


	12. The City of Light (Part 2)

_When the blonde lets out the broken sob she'd been holding, Lexa brings her even deeper into her as if to prove her words. And with that Clarke finally lets go, sinking on her knees as her body wrecks with her loud sobs. Lexa never lets go of the girl, she just goes down with her, kneeling behind her and holding her tightly. She doesn't try to shush her or whisper sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down, because she knows the girl needs to let it all out and break completely in order to start again and live again._

They stay like that for what feels like hours and when Clarke finally stops sobbing and shaking Lexa gives her a long kiss on the crown of her head. It's not enough to put the blonde back together, but it's a first step to give her back some of her lost strength. She feels her girlfriend take a deep breath and she knows Clarke is going to say something soon, so she moves her head down to rest her chin on her shoulder as if to let her know she's listening, whenever she's ready to talk.

"You never came back to me." Her voice still wavers slightly despite her efforts to keep it stable. She doesn't move her gaze on Lexa yet, she just stares down at their joined hands.

"I know." The former Heda does not apologize. It's not her fault someone killed her, Clarke would never blame her for not coming back, she was just stating a fact.

"I killed her. Nia. She had me pinned to the ground and for a moment I thought I wasn't gonna make it, but then I remembered what you taught me in our training sessions and I was able to free myself and kill her." Clarke's voice is just a little above a whisper, but her girlfriend hears it all clearly.

Lexa is shocked by her words, but she doesn't say a word, she just leans back to look at the side of the blonde's face waiting for her next move. The Sky girl strokes her thumb on the back of one of the brunette's hand in order to gather her courage before raising her head and tilting it to the side to finally meet the eyes of the girl she loves. Her eyes water again at the sight of Lexa's beautiful green orbs staring back at her, full of life. Slowly, she brings her hand up to cup the other girl's cheek, like she still needs some proof that this is real, that she is really there.

"That's what I was going to tell you once you came back from battle." Clarke gives her girlfriend a soft smile. "I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted you to know that I can finally fight like you. Well, not like you _you_ , but... like a true grounder. With swords, knives and all. I wanted you to know that the Ice Queen was not gonna hurt you anymore, because she's dead. I killed her. For Costia. For _you_."

"I..." Lexa is at a loss of words, because of the turmoil of emotions she feels right now. She wants to scream her anger at whoever killed her for not letting her have the reunion Clarke had planned for her; she wants to be mad at Clarke for facing Nia on her own, putting her life at risk in the process; she wants to cry in relief because the Ice Queen won't be able to hurt Clarke anymore; she wants to thank Clarke for avenging Costia when she couldn't do it and she wants her to know that she's always been proud of her.

Instead of trying with words again Lexa leans in to kiss Clarke, hoping this simple gesture is capable of conveying all of the things she's feeling at the moment. Like it's always been for the two of them, they don't need to say anything for the other to understand the message.

They kiss until their lungs burn for the lack of oxygen and then they keep close, leaning their foreheads against one another.

"Lexa?" Clarke calls gently after a while, causing the girl to open her eyes and look at her.

"Mmh?" Lexa hums in question.

"I can't feel my knees." That causes Lexa to chuckle lightly and, God, was it worthy to break the serious moment. Clarke hadn't realized how much she'd missed the sound of her laugh.

Lexa shakes her head amused as the blonde grins back at her and, then, she gets up pulling Clarke up with her in the process. When they're in a standing position in front of each other they simultaneously move forward to close the gap between them, so they hold each other properly for the first time.

"I missed you, so much." Clarke says in the crook of Lexa's neck. "I don't ever want to leave you."

"You can't stay here forever, Clarke." Her tone is sad and she holds the girl a bit tighter when she says these words. She knows her girlfriend has to go back to the real world, but she also doesn't want her to leave.

"Then I'll keep coming back." That's a promise she intends to keep.

 **To be continued...**


	13. The City of Light (Part 3)

_"I missed you, so much." Clarke says in the crook of Lexa's neck. "I don't ever want to leave you."_

 _"You can't stay here forever, Clarke." Her tone is sad and she holds the girl a bit tighter when she says these words. She knows her girlfriend has to go back to the real world, but she also doesn't want her to leave._

 _"Then I'll keep coming back." That's a promise she intends to keep._

Lexa smiles, happy to know this won't be the last time she's going to see Clarke.

"How did you get here anyway?" She asks with a curious tone, because, let's be clear, she still has no idea what this place is supposed to be and how dead people are very much alive here or how living people can come here and then go back to their real life.

"Jaha, one of my people, gave me a sort of 'key' to this virtual reality. He told me there was no death here." Well, that explains some of it, Lexa thinks. She's brought back from her thoughts when Clarke starts talking again.

"I wouldn't believe him. I couldn't afford getting my hopes up about seeing you again and then find out he was just lying. I didn't want to take the chip, but..." Her voice cracks when she thinks about the reason she's standing here right now. "I got to the point where I could hardly _survive_ without you. I _need_ you in my life, Lexa." She cries.

"Hey, ssh, I'm here." Lexa moves to cup Clarke's cheeks before leaning in to plant a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm here." She breathes on the blonde's skin there.

They stay like that for a while until Clarke has calmed down a bit. When the tears stop, Lexa tries to lighten up the mood, because she can't stand to see the girl she loves suffer so much.

"I'm not going anywhere, Clarke. Literally." She jokes.

"Oh, shut up. This isn't funny, Lex." She tries to suppress it, but a light chuckle still leaves her lips and it is music to her girlfriend's hears.

Lexa grins at her making Clarke shake her head at how proud the girl is for getting her to laugh a little.

"So... You wanna come see my house?" The brunette asks as she she holds out a hand for her girlfriend to take.

"You have a house?" The Sky girl asks surprised.

"Sort of. There are no properties in the City of Light. If you want something, you have to make it yours." She explains as she starts to walk down the road with Clarke.

"So you broke into the house."

"Of course not. No one lived there... it was just waiting for someone to pick it up."

"If you say so." Clarke isn't actually judging Lexa's choice, it's just that she enjoys messing with her, but, unfortunately, her girlfriend is too smart to fall for it.

"Just wait to see it. You're gonna love it." She says and, as she was hoping, it is enough to get Clarke's attention.

They walk in silence for a good five minutes. Lexa giving Clarke the chance to take everything in. When her girlfriend stops in front of a large metal gate, the blonde turns to look at her questioningly.

" _That_ 's it?!" She waits for Lexa's confirming nod before adding: "Wow. That's one _big_ house."

From the gate she can see a small path leading to the front door of the large house and a yard surrounding the whole building. She's never seen a place that big. Her whole life she's lived in a small room on the Ark, or in a tent or in a room of Polis tower.

"And you have yet to see the best part. Come on." Lexa smiles to her as she gestures for her to get inside the gate she's pushed open. And with that they walk together to the front door.

 **Note: I'm so sorry I didn't post this yesterday but I was too tired to connect anything last night.**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **PS I might post Part 4 soon so stay tuned ;)**


	14. The City of Light (Part 4)

_"That's it?!" She waits for Lexa's confirming nod before adding: "Wow. That's one big house."_

 _From the gate she can see a small path leading to the front door of the large house and a yard surrounding the whole building. She's never seen a place that big. Her whole life she's lived in a small room on the Ark, or in a tent or in a room of Polis tower._

 _"And you have yet to see the best part. Come on." Lexa smiles to her as she gestures for her to get inside the gate she's pushed open. And with that they walk together to the front door._

Once inside Clarke notices that this house looks a lot different from the others. It's nothing like the buildings in Polis and totally like the large houses from before the apocalypse that she's seen in pictures and videos on the Ark. Right by the entrance there's a big room that is both a kitchen and a dining room. There's a long corner counter against the walls on the left of the front door and a very long wooden table in he middle of the room. There are eight chairs around it, but Clarke is sure it could host much more people. A wall and a door separate this room from the next one, which is an enormous living room. Coming from the entrance you meet in front of you a large glass wall that shows the beautiful yard just outside, that can be reached by two large glass doors. There's a bookcase that covers the whole left wall of the room and that is so full of books it seems impossible some don't fall off. A big rectangular carpet is laid on the floor in the middle of the room and two long couches are placed along the door side of the carpet and the right wall side of the carpet. A square wooden table is in the centre of the carpet with a few books on it. On the right wall there's a big tapestry and that's about it for the furniture of this room. It's a very big living room, but it's also rather empty.

"Come. I'll show you the other rooms." Lexa takes her girlfriend by the hand to lead her back to the first room.

Somehow Clarke had missed it before, but to the right of the entrance, opposite to the kitchen, there's a flight of stairs that leads to the second floor. Here there are a couple of main bedrooms and three smaller guest rooms, plus two bathrooms. The same stairs also lead to a mansard. It's a small room that looks like a mini version of the living room, but, instead of opening to the yard, its glass doors open to the rest of the roof. Clarke can only imagine how beautiful it must be out there by night when the sky is full of stars.

"Remember that time we sat on the balcony of the throne room to gaze at the stars?" Lexa asks softly and when Clarke hums in affirmation she continues: "Ever since I got here I spent every night on this roof pretending you were by my side, star gazing with me."

"Maybe we can do it tonight. And many others to come." She turns to Lexa before continuing. "You can stop pretending, ai hodness." She whispers the last part against the girl's lips before kissing her lovingly.

When they part Lexa smiles widely at her before biting her lower lip in thought.

"Would you like to see the lake?"

"Lake?"

"Yeah. There's a small lake that can be reached by the yard. It reminded me of the one near Polis, that's why I chose to move in here."

"Well, in that case, I'd love to see the lake. But I have to warn you: I don't know how to swim, so you'd better not push me in the water if you don't want me to drown." She jokes, because, honestly, the whole world, or better all worlds, know Lexa would never do anything that could endanger Clarke.

"I make no promises. I'm pretty sure by the end of the night I will be able to get you wet." And, God, does the smirk that appears on her face mean that the pun was totally intended.

Clarke just shakes her head and follows her downstairs pretending her comment didn't affect her at all, though she might actually be a little turned on already. She'll never thank Jaha enough for this chip.

 **Note: I reposted this because there were some grammar errors.**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	15. The City of Light (Complete Chapter)

**AN: Hey guys! I just wanted to inform you that this is not a new chapter. It's actually quite useless, but I thought maybe you'd like to read "The City of Light" all at once instead of in 4 short chapters. Just let me know if this is ok, otherwise I'll delete it.**

 **Thank you!**

 **By the way, I passed my exam this morning, so I should finally be able to upload a new chapter soon :)**

When Clarke opens her eyes again she's not on the balcony of Lexa's room anymore. She's standing in the middle of a narrow road, closed on each side by a series of houses. They're all one or two-stores houses with flat roofs, just like the ones in Polis. She smiles to herself when she remembers the night Lexa told her about her childhood adventures as a young Natblida in training where she would have to run and jump from one roof to another along the streets of the capital. She can imagine Lexa doing the same now on these roofs.

She's brought out of her thoughts by the sound of steps coming from behind. Her heart stops, because she would recognize that sound of boots against the road anywhere. It's crazy, but when you love someone, a family member, a friend, a lover, you pay attention to the small things such as the typical sound of their steps on an unsurfaced road and so you become able to tell their presence before even seeing them. That's why she can't breathe anymore, that's why she doesn't move, afraid to be brought out of this amazing dream. But most of all, that's why she doesn't need to turn or to hear her voice to know the hand that's come to rest gently on her shoulder is hers. She _knows_ , but she still can't believe Jaha's chip actually works, so she asks anyway.

"Lex?" Her voice cracks as her eyes fill with tears.

The hand on her shoulder moves down to intertwine its fingers with Clarke's as another hand does the same on the other side. Clarke's body tenses as she tries to hold back the sobs that threaten to come out and wreck her. She feels her arm being moved so that their right hands come to rest on her heart and their left ones across her belly.

"I'm here." Lexa finally speaks before tightening her hold on Clarke until their bodies are pressed against one another.

Clarke shakes slightly, but she's still refusing to let go. Lexa, of course, can feel it and so she whispers in her ear: "I've got you." You can let go now, Clarke. You can break down, because I'm here to hug and kiss all of your prices back together. That's all she tries to convey in just those four words and Clarke understands it all.

When the blonde lets out the broken sob she'd been holding, Lexa brings her even deeper into her as if to prove her words. And with that Clarke finally lets go, sinking on her knees as her body wrecks with her loud sobs. Lexa never lets go of the girl, she just goes down with her, kneeling behind her and holding her tightly. She doesn't try to shush her or whisper sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down, because she knows the girl needs to let it all out and break completely in order to start again and _live_ again.

They stay like that for what feels like hours and when Clarke finally stops sobbing and shaking Lexa gives her a long kiss on the crown of her head. It's not enough to put the blonde back together, but it's a first step to give her back some of her lost strength. She feels her girlfriend take a deep breath and she knows Clarke is going to say something soon, so she moves her head down to rest her chin on her shoulder as if to let her know she's listening, whenever she's ready to talk.

"You never came back to me." Her voice still wavers slightly despite her efforts to keep it stable. She doesn't move her gaze on Lexa yet, she just stares down at their joined hands.

"I know." The former Heda does not apologize. It's not her fault someone killed her, Clarke would never blame her for not coming back, she was just stating a fact.

"I killed her. Nia. She had me pinned to the ground and for a moment I thought I wasn't gonna make it, but then I remembered what you taught me in our training sessions and I was able to free myself and kill her." Clarke's voice is just a little above a whisper, but her girlfriend hears it all clearly.

Lexa is shocked by her words, but she doesn't say a word, she just leans back to look at the side of the blonde's face waiting for her next move. The Sky girl strokes her thumb on the back of one of the brunette's hand in order to gather her courage before raising her head and tilting it to the side to finally meet the eyes of the girl she loves. Her eyes water again at the sight of Lexa's beautiful green orbs staring back at her, full of life. Slowly, she brings her hand up to cup the other girl's cheek, like she still needs some proof that this is real, that she is really there.

"That's what I was going to tell you once you came back from battle." Clarke gives her girlfriend a soft smile. "I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted you to know that I can finally fight like you. Well, not like you _you_ , but... like a true grounder. With swords, knives and all. I wanted you to know that the Ice Queen was not gonna hurt you anymore, because she's dead. I killed her. For Costia. For _you_."

"I..." Lexa is at a loss of words, because of the turmoil of emotions she feels right now. She wants to scream her anger at whoever killed her for not letting her have the reunion Clarke had planned for her; she wants to be mad at Clarke for facing Nia on her own, putting her life at risk in the process; she wants to cry in relief because the Ice Queen won't be able to hurt Clarke anymore; she wants to thank Clarke for avenging Costia when she couldn't do it and she wants her to know that she's always been proud of her.

Instead of trying with words again Lexa leans in to kiss Clarke, hoping this simple gesture is capable of conveying all of the things she's feeling at the moment. Like it's always been for the two of them, they don't need to say anything for the other to understand the message.

They kiss until their lungs burn for the lack of oxygen and then they keep close, leaning their foreheads against one another.

"Lexa?" Clarke calls gently after a while, causing the girl to open her eyes and look at her.

"Mmh?" Lexa hums in question.

"I can't feel my knees." That causes Lexa to chuckle lightly and, God, was it worthy to break the serious moment. Clarke hadn't realized how much she'd missed the sound of her laugh.

Lexa shakes her head amused as the blonde grins back at her and, then, she gets up pulling Clarke up with her in the process. When they're in a standing position in front of each other they simultaneously move forward to close the gap between them, so they hold each other properly for the first time.

"I missed you, so much." Clarke says in the crook of Lexa's neck. "I don't ever want to leave you."

"You can't stay here forever, Clarke." Her tone is sad and she holds the girl a bit tighter when she says these words. She knows her girlfriend has to go back to the real world, but she also doesn't want her to leave.

"Then I'll keep coming back." That's a promise she intends to keep.

Lexa smiles, happy to know this won't be the last time she's going to see Clarke.

"How did you get here anyway?" She asks with a curious tone, because, let's be clear, she still has no idea what this place is supposed to be and how dead people are very much alive here or how living people can come here and then go back to their real life.

"Jaha, one of my people, gave me a sort of 'key' to this virtual reality. He told me there was no death here." Well, that explains some of it, Lexa thinks. She's brought back from her thoughts when Clarke starts talking again.

"I wouldn't believe him. I couldn't afford getting my hopes up about seeing you again and then find out he was just lying. I didn't want to take the chip, but..." Her voice cracks when she thinks about the reason she's standing here right now. "I got to the point where I could hardly _survive_ without you. I _need_ you in my life, Lexa." She cries.

"Hey, ssh, I'm here." Lexa moves to cup Clarke's cheeks before leaning in to plant a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm here." She breathes on the blonde's skin there.

They stay like that for a while until Clarke has calmed down a bit. When the tears stop, Lexa tries to lighten up the mood, because she can't stand to see the girl she loves suffer so much.

"I'm not going anywhere, Clarke. Literally." She jokes.

"Oh, shut up. This isn't funny, Lex." She tries to suppress it, but a light chuckle still leaves her lips and it is music to her girlfriend's hears.

Lexa grins at her making Clarke shake her head at how proud the girl is for getting her to laugh a little.

"So... You wanna come see my house?" The brunette asks as she she holds out a hand for her girlfriend to take.

"You have a house?" The Sky girl asks surprised.

"Sort of. There are no properties in the City of Light. If you want something, you have to make it yours." She explains as she starts to walk down the road with Clarke.

"So you broke into the house."

"Of course not. No one lived there... it was just waiting for someone to pick it up."

"If you say so." Clarke isn't actually judging Lexa's choice, it's just that she enjoys messing with her, but, unfortunately, her girlfriend is too smart to fall for it.

"Just wait to see it. You're gonna love it." She says and, as she was hoping, it is enough to get Clarke's attention.

They walk in silence for a good five minutes. Lexa giving Clarke the chance to take everything in. When her girlfriend stops in front of a large metal gate, the blonde turns to look at her questioningly.

" _That_ 's it?!" She waits for Lexa's confirming nod before adding: "Wow. That's one _big_ house."

From the gate she can see a small path leading to the front door of the large house and a yard surrounding the whole building. She's never seen a place that big. Her whole life she's lived in a small room on the Ark, or in a tent or in a room of Polis tower.

"And you have yet to see the best part. Come on." Lexa smiles to her as she gestures for her to get inside the gate she's pushed open. And with that they walk together to the front door.

Once inside Clarke notices that this house looks a lot different from the others. It's nothing like the buildings in Polis and totally like the large houses from before the apocalypse that she's seen in pictures and videos on the Ark. Right by the entrance there's a big room that is both a kitchen and a dining room. There's a long corner counter against the walls on the left of the front door and a very long wooden table in he middle of the room. There are eight chairs around it, but Clarke is sure it could host much more people. A wall and a door separate this room from the next one, which is an enormous living room. Coming from the entrance you meet in front of you a large glass wall that shows the beautiful yard just outside, that can be reached by two large glass doors. There's a bookcase that covers the whole left wall of the room and that is so full of books it seems impossible some don't fall off. A big rectangular carpet is laid on the floor in the middle of the room and two long couches are placed along the door side of the carpet and the right wall side of the carpet. A square wooden table is in the centre of the carpet with a few books on it. On the right wall there's a big tapestry and that's about it for the furniture of this room. It's a very big living room, but it's also rather empty.

"Come. I'll show you the other rooms." Lexa takes her girlfriend by the hand to lead her back to the first room.

Somehow Clarke had missed it before, but to the right of the entrance, opposite to the kitchen, there's a flight of stairs that leads to the second floor. Here there are a couple of main bedrooms and three smaller guest rooms, plus two bathrooms. The same stairs also lead to a mansard. It's a small room that looks like a mini version of the living room, but, instead of opening to the yard, its glass doors open to the rest of the roof. Clarke can only imagine how beautiful it must be out there by night when the sky is full of stars.

"Remember that time we sat on the balcony of the throne room to gaze at the stars?" Lexa asks softly and when Clarke hums in affirmation she continues: "Ever since I got here I spent every night on this roof pretending you were by my side, star gazing with me."

"Maybe we can do it tonight. And many others to come." She turns to Lexa before continuing. "You can stop pretending, ai hodness." She whispers the last part against the girl's lips before kissing her lovingly.

When they part Lexa smiles widely at her before biting her lower lip in thought.

"Would you like to see the lake?"

"Lake?"

"Yeah. There's a small lake that can be reached by the yard. It reminded me of the one near Polis, that's why I chose to move in here."

"Well, in that case, I'd love to see the lake. But I have to warn you: I don't know how to swim, so you'd better not push me in the water if you don't want me to drown." She jokes, because, honestly, the whole world, or better all worlds, know Lexa would never do anything that could endanger Clarke.

"I make no promises. I'm pretty sure by the end of the night I will be able to get you wet." And, God, does the smirk that appears on her face mean that the pun was totally intended.

Clarke just shakes her head and follows her downstairs pretending her comment didn't affect her at all, though she might actually be a little turned on already. She'll never thank Jaha enough for this chip.


	16. Swim away from reality

**AN: Please notice the rating has changed. Thank you. Enjoy.**

Apparently there's a short path that goes from the back yard of the house to the lake, where there's a private pier that leads straight into the water. Clarke doesn't see any boats, so she guesses the pier is only meant to be a sort of springboard for those who want to jump into the lake. All around the water there are tall trees and the beauty of the landscape leaves her dumbstruck. She wishes she had a piece of paper and a charcoal to draw the beautiful image of the water reflecting all the trees and the sky.

"Worthy, right?" Lexa says picking up a small plain rock from the path before throwing it on the water making it jump five times on its surface.

"It's beautiful." Clarke agrees.

They just stand side by side for a few minutes, taking in the whole beauty offered by that landscape. Lexa's attention gets caught by a fish jumping in and out of the water and, without saying anything, she moves onto the wooden pier. She doesn't need to look back to know Clarke if following right behind her. Quickly she gets rid of her armor and boots, stripping down to just her underwear. She leaves her clothes discarded on the floor before jogging towards the edge of the pier and jumping in the water head first.

"What are you doing?" Clarke asks with a worried tone. Not that she's worried about Lexa's safety, but it's just that she knows what's coming next.

"The water is perfect, Clarke, you have to come in." There it is. Ok, let's not panic.

"Lex, I told you I can't swim. I-"

"You don't have to swim. I promise. The water around the pier is shallow enough for you to stand easily." She says swimming back to the edge of the pier. "Trust me." She waits patiently for the girl's decision and when Clarke nods in agreement she gives her girlfriend the brightest grin she can manage.

When all of Clarke's clothes are on the wooden floor too, Lexa moves to a standing position in the water holding out both of her hands for Clarke to grab to lower herself into the water. She changes her mind as soon as her girlfriend sits down in front of her on the edge of the pier.

"God, you're beautiful." The brunette says as she brings her hands on the other girl's waist pushing herself to stand between Clarke's legs.

"I thought you wanted me to get in the water, Commander." They both freeze at the term, because they'll never get used to someone else carrying that title.

"I can still get you wet." She teases as soon as she recovers and it earns her an amused shake of the head by Clarke.

"Is that so?" The blonde replies, liking the turn this is taking.

Lexa smirks at her before leaning in to capture her lips. It takes them about a second to turn the kiss into a heated make out session and before Clarke can realize what she's doing her legs move to encircle her girlfriend's waist to keep her impossibly close. Their hands start roaming over every inch of skin available, which is basically every single part of their bodies. Lexa's hands come to a stop around Clarke ass, keeping the girl's center pressed again her stomach as the blonde's hands move to cup her breasts through her bra. They're not sure who moaned first, but as soon as the sound fills the silence, Lexa feels the need for more, so she lifts Clarke into her arms backing away a little from the pier. Slowly, the Sky girl lowers her legs until she's standing in the water on her own feet. Now that they are on the same level, the brunette starts pushing Clarke until the girl's back comes to contact with the wood of the pier behind her. When they can't help but part because of the need for air, they stay pressed together with their eyes closed. Once Lexa can breathe properly again she moves to attach her lips to Clarke's pulse point before starting to pepper kisses along the girl's jaw line. Her hands roam up and down the blonde's back sending shivers down her spine and making her arch her back. She's so focused on exploring her skin she doesn't notice Clarke moving one hand up to unclasp her bra while the other hand is playing with the hem of her panties. When her mind realizes what's happening the grounder girl moves her hips forward as an invitation for Clarke. The girl doesn't need to be asked twice before slipping her hand inside Lexa's panties and drawing her middle finger through the girl's folds. They're in the water, but she can still feel how wet her girlfriend already is for her. She smirks at the idea and then she starts circling her clit with the tip of her finger, gaining a loud moan from Lexa. She can feel her own center throbbing, but she does her best to put her focus only on the other girl.

"Please... Clarke..." She used to be the Commander and Heda don't plead, but Clarke makes her feel so good she doesn't give a damn right now.

"Please what?" Her voice doesn't come out as strong as she hoped, since her own breathing is becoming shallow.

"Stop... Stop teasing..." She can hardly whisper.

"Yes, Ma'am." And with that she brings two fingers inside Lexa giving her a moment to adjust before starting to pump rhythmically inside of her.

Even in her pleasure state Lexa can feel how worked up Clarke is becoming as well and she can no longer stand there doing nothing. She goes back to plant kisses on the girl's neck as one hand moves down her abdomen till she reaches the hem of her panties. She doesn't wait for her girlfriend's invitation to slip her hand underneath her underwear and start working on the blonde's clit. Lexa can feel she's getting close, but she wants to give Clarke the same pleasure, so she pushes inside of her pumping fiercely in and out of her.

"Lex..." Damn Clarke, stay focused on what you're doing, she mentally reprimands herself.

Lexa stops her mouth to lean back and look at Clarke. They stare at one another for a moment before closing the gap between each other in a hungry kiss. It doesn't take them long to come together, moaning loudly into each other's mouths. They keep pumping for a bit more to help the other come down from their high.

"Still don't like swimming?" Lexa asks pulling out of Clarke.

"Shut up." She shakes her head amused before bringing her hand out of the girl's underwear and kissing her slowly.

" _Ai hod yu in, Klark._ "

"I love you."

* * *

"No way! You did what?!" Lexa laughs as she holds Clarke close.

After their "swim" they'd moved back to the house and had something for dinner. After eating Lexa had offered to go up to the roof to lie under the stars and Clarke agreed eagerly. The Sky girl explained some of what happened after the girl's death, including the way she refused to sit there and watch the Natblida die. That brings us here to Lexa's unbelieving answer, because, honestly, she would've given anything to see Titus's face when he realized the kids were all alive at the end of the Conclave.

"They're just kids, Lex. They're my family. I can handle Titus hating me for the rest of my life if it means I managed to not lose them too."

"Killing my friends... the kids I grew up with... That has been the worst thing I've ever had to do. I'm glad you made sure they didn't have to through all that too. They're great kids, I'm sure there's so much they can give to our people when they grow older."

"Yeah. I mean, they had the best teacher Polis could offer, so..." She jokes before adding in a serious tone: "They are who they are because you guided them, Lex."

"They've always been great kids. My teachings and example have nothing to do with it." Clarke doesn't try to argue. She knows Lexa too well to know she's never going to admit her big part in bringing the Nightbloods up.

They stay silent for a few minutes and, when a cool breeze blows over them, Clarke shivers slightly. Lexa feels it, of course, and she pulls the girl into her side to warm her up as best she can. The blonde doesn't voice her thanks, but she just kisses her girlfriend's collarbone softly before hugging her tightly.

"I need you to promise me something." Lexa whispers slowly in Clarke's hair.

Clarke remains silent and moves her head up to look into her favorite green orbs. She sees Lexa worrying her mind to find the right words, so she goes to caress her cheek gently to encourage her to go on.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself." She can see a confused expression flashing in Clarke's eyes so she explains herself better. "I won't ask you to protect the kids and Aden, because I'm sure you will. But I'm asking you to not put yourself in danger for them. I can't keep you safe now, Clarke and I need to know you'll do it for me. I need to know when it gets hard you won't give up to be with me."

"You know I can't promise that. Any day could be our last one on Earth. We live in a world full of dangers and difficulties." She tries to look away, because she remembers what got her here and she knows she can't promise to never give up and to hold on forever without the love of her life.

"Clarke..." Of course she knows how Clarke feels, but she still won't let it go. "Can you at least promise me you'll do anything in your power to stay alive." She gives the girl her best begging look.

"Okay." She gives up before moving back down in Lexa's arms. "I promise."

They don't say anything else after that and in a few minutes they both fall asleep. It's not real, but this is the first time Clarke manages to have a full night of sleep ever since Lexa's death.

When the morning comes, they're woken up by a voice. The sun has yet to come up and they both look around to see whose voice it was.

"Clarke." Wait, no one else is there, who the hell- "Clarke! Babe, wake up! Come on!" Abby? How...? It takes them a moment to realize the voice actually comes from back in Polis. Her mother must have found her asleep on the balcony and somehow they can hear her voice in the City of Light.

"You have to go back now."

"What? No, I... I just got here. I-I... They can wait some more, Lex. Please. Let me stay here with you." She's begging in tears.

"Hey, hey. Look at me." She waits a moment for Clarke to meet her eyes before continuing. "I'll be here when you come back. _I_ can wait, _they_ can't. You have to be there for Aden on his first day as Heda, you have to go back to your mom and the kids, Clarke." She brings her hands up to caress the girl's cheeks gently before leaning in to kiss her lovingly.

When Clarke opens her eyes she doesn't see two big green pools looking at her, but her mother's worried eyes. Without thinking she sinks forward in Abby's arms crying in her neck. Her mom doesn't ask, though she's worried sick for her daughter she understands right now the girl only needs to be held.

 **Note: I'm so sorry, guys. I'm so late uploading this, but I totally forgot that going back to school meant hanging less time to dedicate to writing. This is my last year of high school, so I'll be very busy studying and I won't be able to add new chapters as often as at the beginning. I'm sorry.**

 **Thank you for following me and my story. I'll be waiting for your reviews. Bye. Xxxxx**


	17. Ascension ceremony

_When the morning comes, they're woken up by a voice. The sun has yet to come up and they both look around to see whose voice it was._

 _"Clarke." Wait, no one else is there, who the hell- "Clarke! Babe, wake up! Come on!" Abby? How...? It takes them a moment to realize the voice actually comes from back in Polis. Her mother must have found her asleep on the balcony and somehow they can hear her voice in the City of Light._

 _"You have to go back now."_

 _"What? No, I... I just got here. I-I... They can wait some more, Lex. Please. Let me stay here with you." She's begging in tears._

 _"Hey, hey. Look at me." She waits a moment for Clarke to meet her eyes before continuing. "I'll be here when you come back. I can wait, they can't. You have to be there for Aden on his first day as Heda, you have to go back to your mom and the kids, Clarke." She brings her hands up to caress the girl's cheeks gently before leaning in to kiss her lovingly._

 _When Clarke opens her eyes she doesn't see two big green pools looking at her, but her mother's worried eyes. Without thinking she sinks forward in Abby's arms crying in her neck. Her mom doesn't ask, though she's worried sick for her daughter she understands right now the girl only needs to be held._

Many minutes pass before Clarke stops sobbing and leans back to wipe at her eyes and cheeks. Abby still doesn't ask, but she just follows her daughter's every move, patiently waiting for her to be ready to explain what happened.

That morning she and Kane had entered what used to be Lexa's room to tell Clarke it was time for her to leave so Aden could settle in his new quarters. Not seeing the girl anywhere around and noticing the door to the balcony opened, they tried to go see if the she was outside and she was indeed there. Abby had soon noticed that she looked quite peaceful in her sleep, but she'd probably spent the whole night on the balcony floor, because her skin was ice-cold to the touch. Of course her mother's instinct instantly kicked in and she became extremely worried for her kid's health. Her worry only increased when Clarke didn't respond after being called a few times out loud. That's when Abby had started shaking her lightly in order to get her to wake up and that's when Abby's voice reached Clarke and Lexa to the City of Light. The woman's relief at seeing her daughter's eyes finally open didn't last long and it soon turned into great concern when the girl began to break down in her arms.

"Sorry." Is all Clarke says when she's done drying her face from her shed tears.

When she brings her eyes up to meet with her mother's she can tell that Abby won't say anything until she has explained what's going on with her. She doesn't know if she's ready to tell her everything, but she knows the woman won't back down till she's got a clear explanation as to why her daughter is so upset, so just takes a deep breath to gather her voice and, then, she starts talking.

"I..." She stops when she realizes her mother and Kane are going to think she's mad if she tells them the truth. "You're going to think I'm crazy..."

"I won't. I promise." She takes Clarke's hand gently in hers and she runs a gentle thumb on the back of it to reassure her. "Just tell me what happened." And with that she sits down in front of the girl.

When Clarke moves her gaze up to look at Kane he takes it as his queue to go and give them some space, so he starts to move towards the door to go back inside. It doesn't take Clarke long to realize she's been misunderstood so she goes to stop him.

"Wait. You can stay too if you want to..." She waits for him to nod and sit next to Abby before starting to talk.

"I was with Lexa..." She says barely above a whisper and staring down at the floor. She doesn't have the courage to meet the others' eyes both because she knows they must be staring questioningly at her right now and because tears are forming in her eyes again and she doesn't want them to notice.

"When... When I was about to leave Arkadia after Lexa's... After her..." The only idea of saying the word 'death' makes her choke on her own words, but when she looks up briefly at her mother and Kane she can see they don't need her to say it to understand what she means and she's grateful for that. "Jaha came to me and gave me this... Chip. He said with it I'd be able to see Lexa again... That it would take me to a virtual reality called 'City of Light' where there's no death."

She pauses a moment both to wipe away the tears that have started to fall down her cheeks and to see if Abby and Kane are still following what she's saying. They seem confused, but none of them says anything, so she continues.

"I didn't wanna believe him. I-I couldn't do that. I couldn't allow myself to built my hopes up to meet Lexa again. I don't know what stopped me from getting rid of the chip straight away, but I kept it with me all this time. Last night I... I just missed her so much." Her voice cracks and she takes a moment to inhale deeply to regain some control.

"I had to see her again. I was falling apart for good and she was the only one who could put my pieces back together. That's when I remembered about the chip. Jaha said all I needed to do was to swallow it and focus my mind on who I wanted to see, so I did. I know it sounds crazy, but he wasn't lying. It works. It worked. I did go to the City of Light or rather my mind did... I'm still not sure how it works exactly; all I know is that I was able to see Lexa again. I saw her again, mom." She's crying again when she raises her gaze to look straight into Abby's eyes. "I saw her." And once again she falls into her mom's arms and she sobs there brokenly.

She stays there, in her mother's warm embrace, for what feels like forever and, when she believes she's shed all the tears she can manage for one day, she lets her mom and Kane lead her back inside. Abby helps her clean her face and get into new clothes, meanwhile Kane leaves to give the two of them some space. Her mother is finishing to braid Clarke's hair when Titus storms into the room without bothering to knock.

"Titus. What the hell?!" Clarke screams, startled by the sudden entrance.

"Wanheda. I need your help with Aden."

"Aden? What's wrong with Aden?" She interjects worriedly.

"He won't tell me, but he might open up to you. Can you just go talk to him? _Beja_." Well, that's new. Titus begging her means it must be a real emergency, because Clarke knows he would rather die than ask for her help. Especially when it comes to the Nightbloods.

"Alright. I'll go see him... Where is he?"

"Throne room."

"Right. I'll see what I can do."

" _Mochof_." And with that Titus leaves the room just as quickly as he came in.

"I gotta..." Clarke starts pointing behind her towards the door.

"Yeah, of course. I guess I'll see you at the ceremony then." Abby moves to hug her daughter quickly before exiting the room as well.

Once alone Clarke takes a moment to look around what will no longer be Lexa's room. It's hard to think of anybody else walking this floor and laying in that bed or to imagine someone else gazing at the stars from the balcony floor. With a sad sigh she takes it all in one last time and, then, she goes out of the door closing it behind her.

* * *

"Aden." Clarke says as she enters the throne room.

Aden is there standing in the middle of the room with his back to the door. Although he's still facing away from her, the girl can tell that something is bothering him.

"What's wrong?" She asks worriedly as she comes to stand by his side, not quite able to meet his gaze yet though.

"What if I'm not fit to be _Heda_? What if people think I'm not good enough to be their leader? I'm still just a kid, Clarke." There's a sadness to his tone and in his eyes when he brings them up to meet with blue ones.

"Lexa believed you were ready, Aden. _I_ believe you are ready. We all do. If you remember even just half of Lexa's teachings, then you _are_ good enough to lead your people. And as for being fit or not to command, we both know people doubted Lexa too and she _was_ an amazing Commander despite their believes. I know you can do it. I believe in you..." Clarke hesitates a moment.

"Aden. Just... keep calling me Aden. That's fine." He offers when he realizes she's struggling to acknowledge him with a title that used to belong to the person she loves.

"Aden." She nods thankfully. "I believe in you. Aden. The Nightbloods and Titus believe in you. _Lexa_ believed in you. Now you need to believe too. You can't expect your people to believe in you as their Commander if you don't believe in yourself to begin with." Clarke puts a hand on his shoulder before squeezing gently to encourage him. She also gives him a kind and reassuring smile, which Aden returns with a half smile of his own.

"Alright. I'll try. But it won't change the fact that in my people's eyes I'll still only be a child." It's not like he's the pessimistic kind of boy, he just likes to be realistic and it is evident that he's very young, _too_ _young_ , to be accepted by everyone as a strong, wise and respectable leader.

"Lexa was only a couple of years older than you are when she first took command. Her age didn't stop her from being able to reunite 12 clans under one coalition. She showed her people what she was really capable of despite her young age and _that_ bought her their trust. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, Aden. Do you know how long it took _me_ to be recognized as leader of _Skaikru_ by my people? Not the delinquents, of course, because they were all kids just like me, but the council... my mom, Kane... I had to take the lead without without waiting for permission and ignoring their protests in order to prove them I was fit to be in charge." She pauses to see if Aden is following, but she can tell he's still not completely convinced, though he's getting there.

"Look, you're going to have to prove yourself over and over again, but at some point you _will_ win this battle, you _will_ be trusted as commander of the 13 clans." When he avoids her gaze and moves his eyes to the floor Clarke brings both of her hands on his shoulders. Like that, she adds: "If it helps at all, I promise you I'll be by your side all the way. I'll protect you and believe in you when no one else will." Slowly she moves forward to embrace the boy as he lets her words sink in. "I'll always be with you, Aden. _Ai swega em klin_." Clarke whispers softly in his ear.

They stay like that for a few moments, just reveling in each other's presence. They don't say anything, but Clarke just gently rubs her hand on Aden's back to calm him and he silently thanks her squeezing her middle and hugging her a bit tighter.

"Do you remember what you wanted when you were younger? I know my biggest wish was to leave space and come down to earth. I hated the place I lived in, because any mistake you made could cost you your life. As a child I never understood why we couldn't concede people a chance at redemption. I thought: we all make mistakes, right? That's how we grow up and learn to live in this world. Why can't we just let people learn from their mistakes and have a second chance to start over, in a better way?" She can feel Aden is giving her his full attention, but she also understands she needs to clarify her point otherwise he'll never get the message.

"Do you know what the greatest thing about kids is?" She asks as she leans back so she can look Aden in the eyes. "They're innocent. They always see the best in everything and they believe in love. Whenever they argue with their little friends they only stay mad at each other for a short while and, then, they make up and move on. Adults can't do that. Many of their arguments end up in war, especially in this world. If someone wrongs them they seek revenge on them. But children... Children don't live by the same rules as grown up people, they question everything, because they they believe there are thousands of possible peaceful answers before coming to violence." She pauses for a moment, taking Aden's hands in hers, and, then, she concludes.

"You think being a kid is your weakness, but I think that's your greatest strength. Aden, think about it. Your young age is exactly what's going to enable you to bring some changes for the better to your people's culture. You can change tradition, teach your people forgiveness and from your actions you can show your people a promise. A promise for a new future in which violence does not always answer violence and children can flourish without the shadow of death. You can build yourself a world in which a Commander is not condemn to a life of loneliness, because, honestly, no on should have no one and love is not weakness."

Aden is about to open his mouth to say something, but he's interrupted by Titus walking into the room. He knows what he's here for and, most of all, he knows it's time for him to set all his doubts aside and accept his leadership role.

" _Heda_. It's time." The bald man calls from near the doors bowing his head slightly when Aden turns to face him.

The boy turns back to Clarke, who gives him the most encouraging smile she can master, and, then, he follows Titus out of the room.

* * *

In the main square of Polis the crowd is already waiting for the arrival of their new _Heda_. Everyone is standing in front of a large platform built for the occasion. On the platform, there are 14 chairs, one for each of the 13 clan leaders of the Coalition with, in the middle, the Commander's throne. They're positioned in a wide semicircle and the leaders are already sat in their places, waiting for Aden to make his way up. Actually, everyone but Clarke is in their place. Yeah, that's right, even though Kane is present for the ascension ceremony, he and Abby agreed it should've been Clarke to represent _Skaikru_ , plus they thought Aden could've used a friend by his side. That said, she is yet to arrive because she was with Aden when Titus had come to call him, so she didn't have time to precede him to the main square. At least she has managed to catch up with the boy and the _Fleimkipa_ so that she can now climb onto the platform before Aden does. The other leaders look at her suspiciously, but none of them says anything about it. When Aden gets on the platform he bows his head quickly at the leaders, both as greeting and as permission to sit back on their chairs. With a quick bow of their own they obey and wait for the boy to turn his attention towards the crowd to give his ascension speech. Everyone is clapping and cheering for him, so the young Commander waits for a while before talking. Raising his hand slowly he asks for silence and, when the square grows quite, he begins.

"People of the 13 clans, it is an honor for me to be standing here as your new Commander. I feel even more honored to be given the chance to continue what Lexa had started. She was by far the greatest _Heda_ we've ever had. I think you can all agree on that. She was a visionary and she believed that traditions were important, but sometimes they also needed to be changed for a greater good. She was a child when she took command, just like I am, but she was wise, compassionate and strong enough to bring all of her people together under a Coalition. I can't promise you I will be an equally great leader, but everything I know about leadership I've learned from her and I _can_ promise that I will do my best to rule as smartly as she has." As the crowd cheers he pauses and turns to look at Clarke with a smile. The girl doesn't understand until he continues.

"Wisdom, compassion and strength. These are the three pillars of being a commander. That's what every Nightblood is taught during their training to become _Heda_. That's what Lexa taught us. She never said it out loud, but there is one more pillar we learned about from her. That's _love_. It doesn't matter what traditions say, that to be Commander is to be alone, because, in the end, we're humans too and just like any other person we _need_ love in our lives. When I say love, though, I'm not talking about romantic love, not necessarily, I mean. Love can be many things: love for your family, for your friends, for a lover, for your home, for your job and, in the Commander's case, for your people." No one makes a noise this time when he stops for a break. They're listening carefully to see where he's taking this.

"We're just kids when we're taken away from our families. Our lives, our friends, our homes. All of that is left behind and we're left with nothing but ourselves when we get here in Polis. The tower becomes our home. The Commander and _Fleimkipa_ become our guides. Somewhat like our new parents. The other Nightbloods become our family and friends. _Love_ is what keeps us going, what gives us the _strength_ to live away from our dear ones, what makes us work hard to be ready to take command one day. A _Naitblida_ is never alone and neither should be a _Heda_. You're wondering why I'm telling you all this? It's simple: because I want to make a first change to our traditions. From now on, love is going to be the first pillar of being a commander and leaders will no longer be judged unfit to command just because they've opened their hearts to someone else. A commander who wants to marry the person they love _will_ be able to do that. To be commander is _not_ to be alone. That's what _Lexa_ believed and that's what _I_ believe." With that he looks one last time at Clarke before moving to the front of the platform, passing his eyes on everyone in the crowd.

He then turns around to face the leaders of the 13 clans and, with a deep breath, he does what no commander has publicly done before: he bows to his people. The clan leaders are shocked. All but Clarke, who has tears in her eyes, because this scene is giving her a great sense of déjà-vu.

"I swear fealty to you, members of the Coalition. I vow to treat your needs as my own. And your people as my people." When he's done he stays there knelt down and moves his gaze on Clarke.

Aden knows his words meant a lot to the girl. He knows who they belong to. It was Clarke who told him about Lexa's vow to her and how she'd bowed in front of her even though commanders are supposed to bow to no one. The boy isn't surprised to find tear streaks down the her cheeks, just like he's not surprised when Wanheda moves forward to offer him her hand to help him up. Aden doesn't hesitate to take the offered hand. It's not a sign of weakness, not anymore. Like he said to his people, he's going to change some of the old stupid traditions so he can put love first.

" _Heda_." Clarke says when the boy is back up on her eye level.

The girl can see his eyes widen a little as she addresses him with this title. That's because he didn't expect Clarke to be ready to acknowledge him as Commander yet. Again it's not because he thought she didn't believe he deserved the title, but because he knew it was still too hard for her to think of anybody else but Lexa as their leader. Calling Aden _Heda_ made her death a bit more real but, most of all, Aden being Commander meant the world had moved on while she was still having a hard time coming to terms with the truth, because, honestly, how was she supposed to move on from the love of her life?

Once Clarke has spoken, all the other clan leaders move down to bow to their new _Heda_. The Sky girl bows as well a few seconds later and she's the last one to rise back on her feet. When their all standing again Clarke and Aden move to their seats and, altogether, the leaders and their Commander sit back on their chairs. That's when the crowd explodes into loud cheers and applauses for their new young leader. Aden doesn't stop them this time and they just wait for everyone to calm down and grow quite again. When silence takes over the main square Titus moves on the platform to dismiss the people in crowd since the ceremony has come to an end.

* * *

Aden's first day as Commander has been all but easy so far. Right after the ceremony he had to perform his duties taking part in four different meetings and doing an incredible number of paperwork. It's impressive how Lexa made all this seem so easy, while in reality it's exhausting and boring. Even meals are. And they're incredibly sad too, because he had to have lunch and dinner all alone. He misses the old times when he'd eat with the Nightbloods or with Clarke and Lexa. Speaking of Lexa, God, he misses her so much. If only she could be here to help him out a little. There had been a couple of times this afternoon where he'd found himself at a complete loss of what to do and in both moments he acted trying to remember what Lexa would've done.

He's so tired right now he doesn't even realize he's going the wrong way and, instead of heading to his quarters, he's going to his old room. The sound of loud laughter brings him back to reality and that's when he recognizes where he's standing at. For a moment he considers turning away and going to his new room, but the voices of his friends convince him to knock on the door and get inside. As soon as he steps into the room he's surrounded by all the kids who bring him into a tight group hug. They're all cheering and congratulating him and he's so moved he's only seconds away from starting to cry.

"Hey, guys. How was your day?"

"How was _our_ day?! You mean how was _your_ day, _Heda_!" Skye interjects excitedly.

"Well, let's just say I've had one hell of a day." He jokes gaining a laughter by the other _Naitblida_.

"I bet you did." Wait. How did he miss Clarke?! He can't believe he didn't notice the girl, Abby and Kane when he first got into the room.

"We were just having a nice chat with the kids, but we can leave now." Kane says when he sees Aden's surprised look. None of them were expecting the boy to come over, honestly, but he understands he must've wanted to be with his family after the long day he had.

"Oh, no, it's fine. You can stay. We can chat altogether." And with that everyone goes back to sit on the floor.

They talk for hours about everything and anything and, when everyone but the adults, Clarke and Aden have fallen asleep, Abby and Kane leave to go get some sleep as well. Carefully, Clarke and Aden put all the kids into their bed before sitting together on the one which used to be Aden's. They stay quite for long minutes, the boy's head resting on her shoulder and the girl's head on his, and, then, Aden breaks the silence.

"I really miss her, you know?" He whispers knowing Clarke understands perfectly who he's talking about. "I just wish she were still here to show me what is the right thing to do."

"Yeah, I get that feeling a lot too." She hesitates a moment before asking: "If... If I told you I saw her... Like, last night... Would you believe me?"

Now Aden raises his head and turns to look at her directly in the eyes to see if she's playing with him or not. Any doubt he had about her seriousness soon subsides and curiosity takes over.

"What... What you mean? H-how's that even possible?"

"With a chip... It's a sort of key to another world, a virtual world, where there is no death. It's complicated, but it-"

"You mean like some sort of vision in your dreams?" He interrupts trying to understand.

"Well... Yeah, you could call it that..."

"And what did she say?" Damn it, of all the things he could ask it had to be the dumbest of all to be voiced.

"That she's proud of you." Of course Clarke doesn't think it's a stupid question and she knows exactly the kind of answer the boy is looking for. "Aden, you can't even imagine how proud she was to know you are the new commander."

"What about the other _Naitblida_? Was she mad we went against the rules to save them?

"No." She smiles remembering Lexa's words. "No, Aden, she said she'd always wanted to change those stupid rules and she was really glad no one had to die in the Conclave." Her smile turns into worry when she notices Aden's eyes filling with unshed tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I... It just that I... I don't wanna disappoint her." He concludes in a voice so small it almost makes Clarke forget that he's a sixteen-year-old boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Aden..." She doesn't know what to say so she just moves forward to embrace him in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry."

"Mmh?" She hums questioningly.

"I'm sorry if I'll ever disappoint you in the future. Any of you. I really want to be a good _Heda_ for my family and my people."

"You will be. I know you'll make us nothing but proud, Commander." She says before breaking the hug and kissing Aden lovingly on his forehead. "Get some sleep, _Heda_. It's been a long day."

"Will you stay with me?" He sounds so much like a little kid tonight rather than a Commander of 13 clans.

"Always." She whispers lowering both of them to a lying position on the bed.

Aden is fast asleep before Clarke can even cover the both of them with some blankets. When she sets her head on the pillow nest to his she can't help but smile at the sight of his peaceful sleeping face. Suddenly she becomes aware of just how tired she is as well so she lets sleep take over her features, letting her brain switch off slowly, but there's one last thought on her mind before sleep overcomes her.

 _Lexa. Reshop, ai hodness._

 _ **Note: Guys I'm so sorry it took me forever to upload a new chapter. If school wasn't enough, I also had a sort of writer's block so it took me weeks to find a way to put this chapter into words. Don't worry, though, it's all good now and, as you can see from the length of the chapter, I'm back in full force.**_

 _ **I really hope to be able to post a new chapter sooner this time. Until then, thank you so much for bearing with me. Love you guys! Xoxoxo**_


	18. AUTHOR'S NOTE 20!

**Ok, please don't hate me. I know, I'm a horrible author for being absent for so long, but I promise I did not forget about you guys. I've just been very busy with school and all. I gotta admit: joining a second theater group on my senior year might not have been the best idea ever. Between school, theater, horse riding, an afternoon English course and I don't even know what else I'm doing anymore, but it's been really hard to keep up with everything and I'm truly sorry I had to put off writing for so long. Fear not, though, because I am currently on my winter break, so I have some more free time to write new chapters. At the moment I'm working on the next chapter and I hope to be able to upload it soon. Sorry again for the long wait and thanks to all of you are still bearing with me and my story and also thanks for the new followers (don't think I didn't notice you).**

 **Back soon,**

 **Chiara**


	19. Lexa's killer revealed

Every night, for a week, Clarke goes back to the City of Light. She keeps her promise and never lets Lexa have to star gaze all alone on that roof again. Well, at least not for seven days, because on the eighth Clarke is too busy packing her staff to even bother getting some sleep at all. It had been decided that, after the week of celebrations in honor of the new Heda, Abby, Clarke and Marcus would go back to Arkadia just like any other clan leader would go back to their lands. Why did Clarke have to go as well, you're wondering? It's not like she had to and she would've much preferred staying in Polis by Aden's side, but both him and Lexa had convinced her that she should've taken the opportunity to go visit her friends and her people for a while. So, here she is now: packing her things to go back "home" for a few days. To be honest, she feels more like she's getting ready to leave for hell rather than the place where she used to belong. Anyway, she's choosing to see this trip as a chance to ask Jaha for more chips so that, when she comes back to Polis, she can get the Nightbloods to see Lexa as well. She'll never forget the way Aden's face lit up when she told him about her plan to get him and the kids the keys to the City of Light so they could meet their beloved Commander again. That was the moment Clarke promised herself not to come back home empty-handed, because she could never stand disappointing the boy's expectations.

"Honey, you ready?" Abby says without even bothering to knock on the door before entering her daughter's room.

"Yeah, let me just... I just need..."

"Hey... Clarke, you don't have to come with us if you don't want to... Marcus and I understand if you want to stay here with the kids."

"No, no, I... I have to do this now, otherwise, I'm afraid I'll never be able to leave this place again. Just give me a moment. There's only one last thing I'm missing and then I'm all ready." She accompanies the last part with a reassuring smile, hoping to convince her mother that she'll be ok.

"Ok. We'll be by the entrance, then." She waits for Clarke's nod before turning and leaving the room.

As soon as Abby's out, the Sky girl takes her two bags and exits her room as well. What she needs is in Lexa's- No, not Lexa's, not anymore... Aden's room. What she needs is in Aden's room, so that's where she's headed. She's been trying to avoid that room as much as possible because, every time she even just stands in front of its door, all of her and Lexa's memories together come back to haunt her and she feels like she can't breathe. Gathering all her strength, she steps forward and, with a deep breath, she moves to knock on the door waiting for Aden's permission to enter. There's no response, though. She imagines it's because Aden must be in the throne room or outside training, so she just let's herself in, despite the hard stare the two guards standing by the door are giving her. Clarke knows what she needs and she knows where to find it, but, the moment the door closes behind her back, she finds herself stuck. She can't move, she can't breathe and she's not even sure her heart is still beating.

"I guess you must be here to get this, right?" Clarke jumps startled by the sudden voice coming from in front of her.

"Woah, hey, it's just me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Aden raises his free hand trying to calm Clarke down.

"When... how...?"

"I entered right after you. I saw you from the corridor and I imagined you came looking for Lexa's armor, so I thought I might come and check if you needed any help."

When he's done explaining he offers once again the armor to the Sky girl and this is when he notices Clarke hasn't moved a bit from her spot by the door, if not to try, failingly, to wipe away the few tears running down her cheeks.

He knows the feeling all too well, every damn time he enters the room he has to fight back the tears and that happens often since this are his quarters now. Slowly, he leaves the armor on his bed and then moves to stand beside Clarke reaching down to grab her hand. After a gentle squeeze, he turns his face to stare into the space around them just like the girl.

"This place doesn't feel the same without her."

"Yeah... many things don't feel the same without her." She whispers as she leans her head to rest on the boy's shoulder.

They stay like that for a minute, but then Clarke remembers her mom and Kane are waiting for her and so she moves away from Aden to go and put on Lexa's armor. Now she's ready to go. Looking back she's met by two smiling eyes and she can't help but allow a small smile to appear on her face as well.

"Try and behave while I'm gone, Heda" she jokes as she leaves a quick kiss on Aden's cheek before opening the door to exit the room.

"I'm not the one known for misbehaving, Wanheda. Try not to get yourself in too many troubles, will ya?" he mocks gaining a fake laughter from Clarke.

"Ah, ah. Very funny, young man."

"Clarke..." his voice stops her one more time. She hums in question and Aden continues. "I mean it. Don't do anything stupid. Please. I couldn't stand it if I lost someone else."

The amused smile leaves her face and she leans forward to give his hand a reassuring squeeze. With one small nod she agrees before leaving the room for good.

* * *

Clarke didn't even have time to go say hi to her friends, because as soon as they got to Arkadia a Council meeting was called, one that she was asked to take part in too. So, here they are gathered around a table with all the representatives of the various stations to talk about the new leader of the Coalition. Marcus, as the designated leader of Skaikru, is the first to speak to give an accurate account of everything that had happened in Polis ever since the Conclave.

"We are happy to announce that the new Commander is well-disposed and, just like Lexa, he wants his legacy to be nothing but peace." Kane barely has time to conclude his speech before Pike starts shouting his objections.

"Please, Lexa's legacy was never peace! That's what she wanted us to believe! But we all know the truth: the grounders are savages and the only way we can survive on this Earth is by taking control!" some members of the Council start cheering at the sound of those words, but their exultation is soon interrupted by the sound of another loud voice.

"That's crazy! Do you really think you can take command of the whole territory?!" Clarke shouts back just as fiercely while her mother tries worthlessly to stop her.

"Clarke..."

"No, mom!" she stops her, not giving Abby the time to tell her to calm down. There's no way she'll keep quiet as Pike talks shit about Lexa and Aden! Plus what he's saying is completely crazy, she has to try and talk some sense into these dickheads. "You wanna throw yourselves into a fight you cannot win! The grounders know these lands like the back of their hands, whereas we've only been down here for what? A few months? There's no way we could make it out of that war alive!"

"So, what do you suggest, kiddo?" If Pike's intention is to get the girl any angrier, that's definitively working. "We should just do as they want and become their allies, in the hope that this new Commander won't betray us like the last one?" This time, at least, he's not yelling.

"We already are their allies. Or did you forget what happened in the last war against the Ice Nation? Isn't that enough proof of their loyalty?" Clarke asks trying her best to keep her tone on a lower lever this time.

"Loyalty?" Pike accompanies these words with an amused laughter. "And to who exactly? They can't even stay loyal to their own people, how can you expect them to be loyal to us?"

"Ok, let's make one thing clear: Azgeda made the first step against us, against Skaikru, a member of the Coalition. So it was them to betray their own people, not Lexa."

"The Ice Nation... Lexa... They're all grounders. They're all the same. Savages who don't care about anything other than their own survival!" And here he goes again with the yelling, only Clarke this time doesn't give him the satisfaction of having her losing control.

"And do you think we, the Sky People, are any different?" She asks calmly, making sure to make eye contact with everyone in the room, because she wants them all to see the truth. "You just said you want to take control, because you believe that to be our only chance at surviving." She finishes staring straight into Pike's eyes.

"We might've been different when we were up in space, but, ever since landing, we've become just as savages as they are in order to survive." Clarke is glad to hear Kane jumping in to support her.

"And without those savages, as you like to call them, we wouldn't have made it out alive against Nia's army." Abby's support, on the other hand, takes her a bit off guard, but in a good way. Mother and daughter smile at each other for a moment as Clarke silently nods her gratitude. The silence is soon broke by Pike's voice, though.

"Almost all of my people were killed inside Mount Weather by the grounders, I won't-"

"Ok, let me stop you right there! Again, it was the Ice Nation, not the whole Coalition. You can't punish them all for something only one clan had to do with. The blame is on Nia and justice has been made. She's dead. It's over." Man, his attitude is really getting on Clarke's nerves.

"Oh, I have just begun to make justice for my people. But don't worry, little girl." Pike mocks her once again, making her want to wipe away that smile from his face with one fierce slap, but she lets him finish, obeying to Kane and Abby's silent request. "I have no intention of hurting innocent people. I'll just kill this Commander. And the next. And the one after that. Just like I did with that grounder girlfriend of yours." He says this last part directly at the girl, but Clarke is too shocked to react. All she can do is acknowledge the fact that everyone in the room is now glancing at her. Seeing as the blonde is still elaborating the new information he's just thrown out at her, Pike uses the opportunity to conclude. "Without a leader keeping them together, the clans will destroy themselves and I won't have to do a thing to take control of all of those people."

"You... You killed her?!" By the time he's done Clarke has come to her senses again and she jumps forward clearly with the intention to throw herself at him, but she's held back by her mother and Kane.

"Clarke..." Abby tries as she's struggling to keep a hold on her daughter.

"You son of a bitch! How could you?! She was here fighting for our people! She was protecting us!" She's yells so hard it's a miracle she doesn't tear her vocal cords apart.

"Guards! Arrest this traitor!" Kane orders as Clarke keeps screaming and shouting furiously. "Abby, please, get her out of here." Marcus sees how much she's struggling just to keep her daughter still so he asks another guard to go and help her.

"No! Let go of me! I'm not going anywhere!" Clarke tries to fight against those two strong arms forcing her out of the room, but the man is way stronger than she is and all she can do is yell at Pike one last promise as he's being taken out of the room as well. "You might be safe now, behind bars, but I will come for you. I will kill you! Blood will have blood!"

While Pike is put in isolation in a cell, Clarke is taken to "her room". Tough Abby would much prefer staying with her daughter to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, the girl practically kicks her out of the room with a "Leave me alone! Get out!", so she agrees to give her some time and space. It's a good thing her mother left so she doesn't have to witness the girl losing it for good. Clarke is fuming and anything within her reach becomes the object of her outburst. She literally pours out her anger all over the room, throwing and destroying everything around her and, when there's nothing more to crash, she finally lets herself fall on her knees in the middle of the room. Her sobs are so heart wrenching even a heart of stone would break at that sight. They're angry tears, tho. She's angry because Lexa was there to protect her people and one of them killed her. She's angry because it was all her fault: she was the reason Lexa chose to protect Skaikru in the first place. She's angry because had she paid more attention maybe she could've seen it coming and she could've stopped Pike before he could do anything. She's angry because how is that fair that he gets to love and Lexa doesn't? She's angry. She's just so angry with everything and everyone.

* * *

No one comes to disturb her until the next morning. Clarke is still curled up in bed when she hears someone unlocking the door. Of course she'd been locked in. She was so upset the day before she didn't even notice her mother had locked her door, surely to keep her from going out and doing something stupid like killing Pike.

She doesn't move when her mother walks in and she only opens her eyes to meet her gaze when the woman sits on the bed beside her. She's grateful when Abby doesn't ask about the mess that her room has been turned in and she just stays there as her mother tries to tidy the place up as best she can. They both keep silent for about five minutes, Clarke sitting up in her bed and following her mother's movements with her eyes. When everything is back in its place and all the fragments of the smashed objects have been put by a side, Abby goes to sit in a chair beside Clarke's bed.

"There was supposed to be a Council meeting this morning to decide Pike's fate. Marcus and I suggested it should be you to choose what to with him, though." Abby says slowly as she's afraid she knows what her daughter's choice will be.

"I said I would kill him. I meant it, mom. _He killed Lexa_." Her voice cracks when she says this last part.

"There are many ways for him to pay for what he did, Clarke."

" _Jus drein jus daun_."

"That's one option. But... Is it really the one you wanna go for?" Abby moves to sit on the bed and she gently takes hold of Clarke's hand before continuing. "If you kill him, it'll only make you as bad as he is. And the pain won't go away."

"Maybe I don't wanna be better than him..."

"Clarke..."

"I've tried to be the good guy, mom. Ever since we got here, I've always been the one to consider death and murder as the last option. And _every single time_ I ended up paying the price for my benevolence. What's the point of being good and merciful if it only brings you pain and loss?" She's not even sure whether the question is for her mother or for herself.

"And what's the point of vengeance? Don't you think it only brings around pain and loss too? It won't bring you peace, that's for sure." Abby pauses a moment waiting for Clarke to meet her eyes again before continuing. "Killing Pike won't bring Lexa back. And you'd only be adding one more person to the list of the people who've died because of you."

"But at least he deserves it! Lexa's _dead_ , mom! She's dead because of _him_! How is it fair that he gets to live and _she doesn't_?!"

"That's the problem with life, honey. It doesn't care about fair. Things happen, people die... Good and innocent people happen to die more often than bad ones. But life also gives us a choice: we can stay good or we can become just as bad as the ones who've wronged us." Abby can tell her daughter is still not fully convinced so she tries with the one thing she knows will get to her for sure. "Look, why don't you ask Lexa?" As she was hoping, Lexa's name seems to do the trick and she can see the girl is now giving her words full attention. "You can still go to the City of Light, right? Then why don't you ask Lexa what she wants us to do with Pike? She's the one Pike killed. You wanted fair? Well, I think it's more than fair for her to be the one to tell how he's supposed to pay for his crime."

Clarke hesitates a moment, but her mother can tell she's considering this option in her head and she sees the decision in her eyes before the girl even voices it out loud. "Okay. I'll talk to her."


End file.
